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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
wtf? thats simply great!
Hey Erdi!
~ You use 'you' and 'your' all the other times, don't switch to 'I' here.Shady here with a review for you this fine evening. Welcome to YWS. Glad to see you here, and I hope to see more pieces from you soon.
This is good. I liked it. Sadly, I can relate to this. You wrote it very nicely, and captured the emotions very well. Alright, I'm new to poetry myself, so I'm still trying to figure out exactly what poetical license protects, and what needs to be changed. I think your choosing not to capitalize is fine. Your missed apostrophes, I'm not sure about-- so I'll ignore.
~~~
Wow. This has a lot of power. A very strong poem-- and it made me hurt. Because it's so true. I usually pretend. This poem was very real, and made me get annoyed with myself for giving up. It was truly touching.
Keep Writing!
~Shady
Hello there Killer! Dogs here with your review today! First if I may say, WELCOME TO YWS! I hope you enjoy your time here, if you need any help or anything. A review, some advice, a suggestion, anything! Let me know and I'd be more than happy to help you out. Okey dokey on to the review! To start things off there are a few issues I have, mostly just minor grammar things but they'll help your piece out once corrected. Let's dive in now shall we?
"its easy. its hard. its natural."
A couple quick things here. Firstly, you mean "it's" instead of "its." The difference is, that "it's" is the contraction of "it is," which is what you're trying to say here. Secondly, "it's" should be capitalized because it is following a period. Finally, take out the periods and replace them with commas here. So it should all look like: "It's easy, its hard, its natural."
"i wont let anybody hurt me again."
Minor thing here, but you need to capitalize "i." Firstly because it's possessive and first person, but also because it's at the beginning of a sentence.
"so you hide.
you ignore life."
Grammar here my friend! Firstly, there should always be capitals after periods. Secondly, I think for the sake of flow you should remove both of these periods and replace them with commas.
"There's a point in that life where you find yourself so deep"
This line is a little too long in comparison to the rest of the poem. Whenever you find yourself doing that in your poetry, try cutting the line into two different lines. It will help with the flow immensely.
That's really all I have to say here, all and all a good piece that I enjoyed reading. Look out for those lines that are a little too long in your poem. I hope my comments were helpful! Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh