woot! Its good now! I r going to store, shall be back, after... its mine! MWAHAHA x_x
No Parking
It was with a frantic eye that Ann scanned the parking lot, which was crammed full of cars. A half hour to curtain, and she was still in her car. And she would need every one of those thirty minutes to change into her first costume, do her make up (which would take at least fifteen minutes itself) and stretch. How could she be running so late?
Oh, she knew exactly why she was late. She had allowed herself to leave the house with just enough time to get to the school, but had forgotten about rush hour traffic. And then there had been that accident- the fifteen minute drive had taken over an hour! And now she couldn't find anywhere to park, and she didn't have time to walk two blocks from her car with all her costumes, make up, and everything else!
Her green eyes flashed back and forth across the parking lot as she slowly drove around and around. As she emerged from the furthest aisle, she took a left up into the bus lane. And there it was, on the side of the lane: a perfect parking spot, along the outside of the lot. How had she not noticed it before? True it wasn't a marked space, but it was right near the entrance. A smile on her face, Ann quickly pulled over, switching into park right next to the curb. She hopped out of her dark blue Honda and turned left, intending to get her costumes out of the trunk, when she came face-to-face with it.
It was bolted at the top to a rusty metal pole and the bottom swung creakily in the fierce wind. The background was white, and a red border ran around the outside. The top left corner was also red with white lettering, while the white portion had red letting. The sign read "No Parking at Any Time" in all capital letters.
Ann stood and stared, her brown hair blowing in her face in the bitter wind. How had she not noticed that sign as she pulled up? She didn't have time to find another space. If she waited any longer, she would be late for curtain.
Could she leave her car in that space without getting towed, or getting a ticket? Under normal circumstances, Ann would never park illegally. Her friends were always teasing her about how much of a goody goody she was, and she knew they were right. But under the circumstances…
Ann hit the button on her keyless entry remote to open her trunk. It wasn't until she was pulling out her make-up box that she remembered who was coming tonight: the sheriff. His daughter was in the junior company this year. And he was known for being picky about parking laws when he saw violations. Ann bit her lip. She couldn't afford a parking ticket! Or worse- to be towed! Oh, this would never work. This would never work. She was going to get towed and her parents would kill her and take away the car and-
Her frantic thoughts were interrupted by an especially loud creak of the sign. Her eyes turned and focused on it as it swayed back and forth on that single rusty old bolt. Gears turned in her head as she put the pile of costumes she was holding back in the trunk and took out the ice scrapper. Would this fit in the bolt, maybe?
Ice scrapper in her right hand, Ann walked up to the sign. She fit the corner of the scrapper in the slot of the bolt and tried to turn it. It didn't budge. She pushed harder, and still it didn't give. Ann started to get worried. Her eyes bulged and she bit her tongue. Dropping the ice scrapper to the ground, she stood next to the sign utterly still, her eyes focusing in on the red and white letters until they started to blur. She grabbed the sign in her right hand and swung it around its bolt a few days. As the sign lazily swung back and forth towards stopping, the calm broke.
Ann grasped the top edge of the sign, first with her left hand, then with the right. She jumped up and started swinging side to side with the sign, her leather driving gloves sticking to the metal. Pushing her weight from side to side, she swung back and forth and back and forth, listening to the creaking of the sign and pole and the whistling of the wind. Suddenly she fell to the ground, hitting her elbow hard on the concrete. The sign fell out of her hands and hit the ground with a clash, then fell flat against the pavement.
Ann let go of the breath she hadn't realized she was holding and panted for a few long seconds. Had that really just happened? What was she thinking? It took a tinkering of classical music and vibrating in the pocket of her denim skirt to snap her out of her shocked stupor. She dug through her pockets and flipped open the slim silver phone.
"Hello?" she said, not even looking at the caller ID.
"Ann? It's Ellie, where are you?"
"I'm right outside, I'll be right there, don't worry," she replied, trying her best to hide her hurried breathing.
"We're on stage in twenty five minutes you're telling me not to worry? Me, not worry? You're the one who always says I'm neurotic-"
"Ellie, I need to get everything out of the trunk. I'll see you in a minute. Bye," said Ann as she hung up on her friend (who was right about the neurotic thing). Struggling to recollect herself, Ann opened the trunk again. As she lifted out all her things again, the fallen sign caught her eye, flashing for a moment in the light of the setting sun. Before she knew what she was doing, the sign was locked in her trunk, and Ann was running into the school, pointe shoes in hand.
That night was Ann's final performance with the Springfield Senior Ballet Company. The end of years of hard work and pain, and she had slipped on halfway through the first piece. It had been an embarrassment. The 'No Parking' sign, a memory of that horrid night, had sat in Ann's trunk for the entire summer untouched. That August, she left. It wasn't until the end of her freshman year that the parking sign returned to her thoughts.
The next August, Ann brought her car to school, and the rusted old sign gained a place of prominence on the wall of her dorm, right next to the poster from 'The Nutcracker' that her father purchased for her when she was six. Because, Ann decided, even if the memories of that night were so sour- it made for a wonderful conversation piece.
woot! Its good now! I r going to store, shall be back, after... its mine! MWAHAHA x_x
Oh god- I'm sorry. It was paragraphed when I posted, but I was yelled out to get offline and didn't have a chance to check that it was posted correctly. I'll go fix it now, I'm so embaressed.
These are my ideas about how you can paragraph it. Of course, I may be wrong, but this is what I did. Perhaps it's a little easier to read?
No Parking
It was with a frantic eye that Ann scanned the parking lot, which was crammed full of cars. A half hour to curtain, and she was still in her car. And she would need every one of those thirty minutes to change into her first costume, do her make up (which would take at least fifteen minutes itself) and stretch. How could she be running so late?
Oh, she knew exactly why she was late. She had allowed herself to leave the house with just enough time to get to the school, but had forgotten about rush hour traffic. And then there had been that accident- the fifteen minute drive had taken over an hour! And now she couldn't find anywhere to park, and she didn't have time to walk two blocks from her car with all her costumes, make up, and everything else! Her green eyes flashed back and forth across the parking lot as she slowly drove around and around.
As she emerged from the furthest aisle, she took a left up into the bus lane. And there it was, on the side of the lane: a perfect parking spot, along the outside of the lot. How had she not noticed it before? True it wasn't a marked space, but it was right near the entrance. A smile on her face, Ann quickly pulled over, switching into park right next to the curb. She hopped out of her dark blue Honda and turned left, intending to get her costumes out of the trunk, when she came face-to-face with it.
It was bolted at the top to a rusty metal pole and the bottom swung creakily in the fierce wind. The background was white, and a red border ran around the outside. The top left corner was also red with white lettering, while the white portion had red letting. The sign read "No Parking at Any Time" in all capital letters. Ann stood and stared, her brown hair blowing in her face in the bitter wind.
How had she not noticed that sign as she pulled up? She didn't have time to find another space. If she waited any longer, she would be late for curtain. Could she leave her car in that space without getting towed, or getting a ticket?
Under normal circumstances, Ann would never park illegally. Her friends were always teasing her about how much of a goody goody she was, and she knew they were right. But under the circumstances…
Ann hit the button on her keyless entry remote to open her trunk. It wasn't until she was pulling out her make-up box that she remembered who was coming tonight: the sheriff. His daughter was in the junior company this year. And he was known for being picky about parking laws when he saw violations. Ann bit her lip. She couldn't afford a parking ticket! Or worse- to be towed! Oh, this would never work. This would never work. She was going to get towed and her parents would kill her and take away the car and-
Her frantic thoughts were interrupted by an especially loud creak of the sign. Her eyes turned and focused on it as it swayed back and forth on that single rusty old bolt. Gears turned in her head as she put the pile of costumes she was holding back in the trunk and took out the ice scrapper. Would this fit in the bolt, maybe? Ice scrapper in her right hand, Ann walked up to the sign. She fit the corner of the scrapper in the slot of the bolt and tried to turn it. It didn't budge. She pushed harder, and still it didn't give.
Ann started to get worried. Her eyes bulged and she bit her tongue. Dropping the ice scrapper to the ground, she stood next to the sign utterly still, her eyes focusing in on the red and white letters until they started to blur. She grabbed the sign in her right hand and swung it around its bolt a few days. As the sign lazily swung back and forth towards stopping, the calm broke. Ann grasped the top edge of the sign, first with her left hand, then with the right. She jumped up and started swinging side to side with the sign, her leather driving gloves sticking to the metal. Pushing her weight from side to side, she swung back and forth and back and forth, listening to the creaking of the sign and pole and the whistling of the wind. Suddenly she fell to the ground, hitting her elbow hard on the concrete. The sign fell out of her hands and hit the ground with a clash, then fell flat against the pavement.
Ann let go of the breath she hadn't realized she was holding and panted for a few long seconds. Had that really just happened? What was she thinking? It took a tinkering of classical music and vibrating in the pocket of her denim skirt to snap her out of her shocked stupor. She dug through her pockets and flipped open the slim silver phone. "Hello?" she said, not even looking at the caller ID.
"Ann? It's Ellie, where are you?"
"I'm right outside, I'll be right there, don't worry," she replied, trying her best to hide her hurried breathing.
"We're on stage in twenty five minutes you're telling me not to worry? Me, not worry? You're the one who always says I'm neurotic-"
"Ellie, I need to get everything out of the trunk. I'll see you in a minute. Bye," said Ann as she hung up on her friend (who was right about the neurotic thing). Struggling to recollect herself, Ann opened the trunk again. As she lifted out all her things again, the fallen sign caught her eye, flashing for a moment in the light of the setting sun. Before she knew what she was doing, the sign was locked in her trunk, and Ann was running into the school, pointe shoes in hand.
That night was Ann's final performance with the Springfield Senior Ballet Company. The end of years of hard work and pain, and she had slipped on halfway through the first piece. It had been an embarrassment.
The 'No Parking' sign, a memory of that horrid night, had sat in Ann's trunk for the entire summer untouched. That August, she left. It wasn't until the end of her freshman year that the parking sign returned to her thoughts. The next August, Ann brought her car to school, and the rusted old sign gained a place of prominence on the wall of her dorm, right next to the poster from 'The Nutcracker' that her father purchased for her when she was six. Because, Ann decided, even if the memories of that night were so sour- it made for a wonderful conversation piece.
AHH MY EYES! I'M BLINDEDED!!!
No I'm kidding, I got to about the 8th word before I totally zoned out... I mean it wasn't the topic, I'm sure, it was the text, once again.
Now I'm learning appearence does have a role.
ditto, please break it up into paragraphs, else wise we won't be able to crit it... well ari crit it... I'll read, and point out what I see, but ya... BREAK IT UP YOU HUNK OF SENTENCES! -blows whistle loudly and storms towards the huge brawl of sentences-
Wow. Um...
Honestly, I'd be more than happy to read this and give you my suggestions, but I can't read that big a hunk of text on a computer screen.
If you'd break it up into paragraphs, however, I'd be more than happy to come back and take a look. 
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