Published July 10, 2014
Life gives you a chance to change the way you've lived , to change the the agony in your soul and turn in into something I believe that is beautiful ! When you have that chance , don't be so surprised with how happy it can make you because everything has its disadvantages , bear in mind that you're still going to experience some pain but it's now or never , it's today not tomorrow ! Don't higher your expectations when you can't find things to meet them up and don't lower them to the extent of turning yourself into a hopeless case . Don't love to hard , don't get too attached , don't hope for the best because trust me it is only going to bring you down . Wait , wait until everything make sense finally ! I've always been that dreamy person in my mind , I live in my expectations and my ' off the world for a while ' kinda mood , but I discovered that i'm only going to get hurt this way , so I better take my dreams into actions and then I can start expecting more ! The moral of the story is to always choose the average mode in your expectations , because they're killers , don't stay still for the sake that you're living a dream ! Meet your expectations and higher them ! That's the only way you'll never be disappointed ! *killers bgd* take care
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140,172 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
Alright, alright. I've got mixed views about this one.
Firstly, the sentence " Meet your expectations and higher them", is not right. It should be " keep high expectations", or something else.
Secondly, you need to punctuate this article properly. It really gives a bad impression when the letters supposed to be capital aren't capital, and the commas are not present, and other stuff. Please edit it.
Thirdly, the way you've written " Don't keep too high expectations, it'll hurt you in the end" sounds like something out of a TV show. Don't take offence; I'm just saying that when you write articles like this, you have to back up your given points LOGICALLY and with PROOF. Otherwise no one takes you seriously.
Don't be disheartened! Keep trying. Keep it up!
Mysticalxx
Hey there! Scarlet here, as you know It's review day.
You know what that means, time to review!
Nitpicks first...
- I don't like how it's in a big chunk, I have said this to many people before. It needs to be broken into paragraphs to make it more accurate and easier to read.
- Okay first off, you repeat the twice up in that sentence, I'm sure it was accidental so I wanted to point that out. Also there's a space between beautiful and that exclamation mark, there doesn't need to be.
- This problem echoes throughout the article, there's a space before or after the punctuation which doesn't need to be at all.
- There are two types of bear,
[ Bear ] - Like the animal.
[ Bare ] Like as in exposed, ' My bare skin brushed against the hot stove making me yelp' It's also the word your looking for. It has many meanings, you want the full meaning look it up in the dictionary.
,
- I'm needs to be capitalized like this.
Other than that, It's entertaining despite the mistakes.
Good job and keep writing!
Sincerely, Scarlet; Member of Team Aqua!
clubs/1983 - Team Aqua Headquarters
Hello, Chips here with a review.
I liked the positive encouragement that this essay was all about and the message it was trying to convey.
I thought the way you've formatted the essay would be even better if it were split up into paragraphs, which makes it easier to differentiate the introduction, middle/main body and conclusion. I'm not sure if it was meant to be written formal or informal, but most essays are written formally anyways.
"Life gives you a chance to change the way you've lived , to change the the agony in your soul and turn in into something I believe that is beautiful !"
Just a nitpick but you could put the comma closer to the word, because it looks misplaced when put in the center like this, same with the exclamation mark. I thought this line was a little long for the opening also, the punctuation and grammar in general could be improved upon. There should be a full-stop after the word, "lived", so everything after it should be a new line. Organization makes it simpler to read too.
As an overview: This seemed more like a speech as oppose to an essay, which isn't necessarily a negative thing. I thought this essay was quite subjective as you gave no examples or other viewpoints which would have been good to see.
Overall good job, keep writing! Hope this review helped.
--Chippy
Hi.
I can't really critique the way this is written because the language isn't supposed to be fancy but I suppose I could say something about the content.So this another one of those inspirational speeches. I like these.
This paragraph is about change.
So the content is very positive, by which I mean you're giving people a motivational speech.
You seem to exclaim a lot in this work. But I find all the information really vague. Like, this is just one big general example.
I disagree, the only way you won't be disappointed is if you have no expectations then you can be surprised by anything.
Keep writing!
Well my friend , the language isn't supposed to be fancy for just one reason , I'm addressing my friends in other social network sites and i don't like making my pieces complicated , i want them all to relate . About the last phrase that you disagree with , this was my way out of deep depression so I think it works because it's hard or nearly impossible not to expect anything in this life
Welcome to kholoudZayat. I hope you enjoy and learn a lot here.
Well, whatever you have said is true and reflects the reality here.
There is a bit of issue with the format of your writing though. You should have broken your article into two to three mini paragraphs for the readers to read easily. And also, the usage of commas are so much dude; I suggest using other punctuation too.
Apart from that, including a personal or any story regarding you essay/article, makes it quite interesting too.
Well it is just a beginning. So don't worry and keep writing.
All the best.
Cheers
Thank you so much for your support and your reviews which i find quite important and yes it's just a start and my format might not be up to standards because I'm a real work in progress and i'll keep writing , thanks again
You are most welcome. You can write to me whenever you feel I can help you
I'm a starter at this site hahaha , i don't even know how to contact anyone , forgive my stupidness %uD83D%uDE02
haha lol. Just click my profile and send me a pm
I shall get back to it as soon as I can.
Done