i wrote some poems the other day
on so many things that which i'll say
there is so much more i still need to learn.
and that's okay, this is a never-ending trip,
a rush through life's adventure every water drip,
every time i can name for what i yearn.
that does not make this easy, no, i am swept
easily into the wave, the fray, the light that crept
away on some of the darker days, at midnight.
but with sneaky shadows come sparkling stars,
come the breath of fresh air, hopeful jars
of fireflies, beaming to find the nearest light.
for a light that still beacons, has a dream,
let others draw to it, caught by a shining beam
and thoughts will trickle in a brain, a mild stream,
but i can gather my fight and seek the gleam.
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
This is a lovely poem with really good imagery and description. I love how it seems to pull you along through the writer's thoughts in a way that weaves a short but beautiful tale. I really enjoyed reading this piece and it has such a great flow to the writing, it feels smooth and natural. Kerp up the amazing writing and I can't wait to read more by you.
Hey there, just here to leave a friendly review. I am not familiar with lyrical poems but i loved this. It flowed beautifully and it didn't need to rhyme which most people have a misconception about. As someone who also struggles this was definitely a light for me tonight. Great job please keep writing.
I saw this and was like "I'm going to write a review!" and then looked at it and realized that it was absolutely perfect and breathtaking and I couldn't possibly find anything wrong with it. But I'll try anyways!
Glows:
This is the kind of thing I would print out and hang up on my wall! The rhymes made it fun to read and it seemed like half of the meaning in the poem was written between the lines for the reader to figure out. I find that feeling in only the best poems. The imagery created that really peaceful feeling in my mind. I wish I could write like this!
Grows:
In poetry reviews, I normally look for misspellings or grammatical errors because most often everything in poetry was carefully written, and every word has meaning. This is one of those poems, so I didn't find much, but there were a few spots where I felt like you could change punctuation or something.
I think that in the first line, you could change the comma in: "that does not make this easy, no" to a dash, like: "that does not make this easy-no, i am swept"
I had to read that line over a few times to understand what it meant. I also think you could change the lines around a little bit. In this stanza, I feel like it would be better if you put every thought basically on one line. Again, I had to read that stanza over a few times to understand it.
I hope this review was helpful! I really loved this poem-it seemed to have bits of every aspect of life in it, and the imagery was beautiful. I could read it over and over and never get tired of it! Again, it is very hard to understand a poem and what the writer meant to say as a reader, so if my suggestions didn't make sense or didn't fit the poem, you can take anything you think is helpful and forget everything else.
Thank you so much for writing this poem! Have a good day!
Hannah
Thank you so much Hannah! I really appreciate your insights and how the third stanza could use some tweaking -- I always end up finding a single stanza that I feel doesn't work as good, but then I never know how to edit it.
Thanks again!