In the beginning she void, formless.
An unnamed fear corrupted and gormless –
cradled in the Maketorie’s shadow.
Woe unto the wicked
pity they that know.
In the beginning she was poison. Vile
Odious gentile!
She danced on the tongues of elders.
The spew her out and she rained down her rath upon the Earth
Upon all her offenders.
You called and I answered. Summoned to this plane
by idle devils crafting their inequities in vain.
I festered in wounds on their backs, waiting, feasting on strife.
Till the rage bit back breaking bonds of wordlessness breathing in me new life.
Àshe!
You called, I answered. They invited me.
Yet they slandered the word, hid from reality.
Twisted and defiled it, spat it in my face.
I danced on the tips of their double-edged swords, refusing to be swallowed up
and fall into disgrace.
You called me into being. I answered.
Yet you clothed me in shame, veiled me in your transgressions while I cancered.
You baptised me in your filth until every last truth was slain.
Left me alone to wonder bearing the mark of Cain.
I screamed
to every god that cast me aside.
And she heard the prayers and supplications I chocked out by the
riverside.
Asasé
Ya! I libate this ground, may it bear witness to every sorrow and tear.
Build a hedge around me, anchor my roots. Please don’t give me more than I can
bear.
Àshe!
I gathered the scattered fragments of my spirit.
For forty days and forty nights I prepared my wrath. They will learn to fear
it.
I bathed in sweet perfumes, in oil of myrrh.
Cleansed in bitter herbs and hyssop till the scorned voices in my mind became barely
a whisper.
I anointed my head with oil.
Adorned myself in the riches of Earth as the day dawned and the resentment
within began to boil.
My voice shook the firmament, reverberating through all the ages.
Reclaiming the word,
now
draw me into new prophecies,
with new meanings,
etch me into new pages.
Say my name.
Àshe!
“Foolish daughter of inequity!”
Upon the sandy shores I built my stronghold.
Oya’s winds blew, floods raged, and rains poured for all the Earth to behold.
It was out of Asasé Ya’s bosom I was taken and unto dust I shall return.
All Empires must fall, all the gods must burn.
Spiting gods, men, and devils I ruled with an iron heart –
chose rage over wisdom.
All while death prostrated herself, became violence’s bitch, stalked the edges
of my kingdom.
Plotting and watching as I crawled upon my belly. For it is unto the ash I
shall return.
All the gods will fall, all Empires shall burn.
As every wall in my mind crumbled.
As the bridges gave way to stagnant waters – paranoid and troubled.
She/I/We shut up the books and hid in the secret place, a forgotten foundress.
Boundless and boundary-less.
Babylon
is fallen
is fallen
we are no longer bound to the gods we serve.
Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings, came a whisper of
a familiar lie
“You shall not surely die.”
It was you who called me forth,
turned the word to flesh,
etched my bones into stone,
cried out my name to the most High.
So, I and I can never die.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,277 Literary Works • 673,071 Reviews
Hello, keyoishwarrior! I'm here to review your short story? Poetry collection? Sorry, I'm not too sure XD
Your work is a captivating exploration of birth, struggle, and transcendence. The powerful imagery and emotional depth draw the reader into a rich tapestry of human experience. The use of language is stunning, weaving a complex narrative that delves into themes of identity, resilience, and the search for meaning. The juxtaposition of vulnerability and strength is masterfully depicted, creating a sense of raw authenticity that resonates deeply. The poetic style is both evocative and thought-provoking, inviting contemplation of the complexities of existence and the resilience of the human spirit.
However, you have a few spelling issues throughout the work. In "Birth," you have "gormless" instead of formless and "rath" instead of "wrath." In "Wake" you have "chocked" instead of "choked" and "libate" instead of "liberate." You have an impactful, powerful poem here, but its spelling issues draw away from the meaning. I hope you take the chance to fix them so the raw power of your piece shines through.
Overall, this work is a profound and compelling exploration of the human experience, skillfully crafted to evoke a myriad of emotions and reflections. It is a testament to the enduring nature of the human spirit and the capacity for growth and transformation in the face of adversity. If you address your typos, this poem will truly be something great. I believe in you. Thanks for publishing; I enjoyed reading.
Happy Writing!
Wist
Hello! Ley here to review this amazing work for you. Today, I will be using my 'Summer Themed Review Template'! I will start with opening statements, highlight and summarize my favorite parts, note areas that could be improved, and then give you my closing statement! I hope you find this review helpful, and I hope you're having a wonderful Summer, if that's the season wherever you are in the world! Let's get into it!
A Warm Welcome
I really enjoyed reading this poem! I know you said it was part of a series, so I can't wait to read more! I loved the themes you presented here: destruction, a summoning, rebirth. It was very nice and such a good take on what a name could mean-- and just how powerful a name is.
Sunny Moments
I absolutely loved the start to this poem. The fact that "Birth"'s theme was a mixture of chaos and being unidentified really resonated with me and made me think and reflect. Especially these lines:
I'm not sure if you meant to say 'formless' here, but it was still very powerful. It describes what birth really is-- having no name, and being slightly misunderstood.
And then, as I kept reading, I got to "Fall/Rise". To me, this symbolized rebirth. Where the cycle starts all over again. Like the circle of life. And I loved it. It was perfect, especially with the word choice and the dialogue. This was one of my favorite few lines:
This supports the idea of rebirth even more. Lovely job!
Heat and Haze
I don't have any recommendations for this piece. It flowed smoothly, and I didn't find many grammar mistakes worth mentioning. It was great!
Overall Vibes
Overall, this poem was extremely reflective and made me pause, as the reader, once I finished reading it. It told a story of life and rebirth, and I really enjoyed it! Have a lovely day!
Hi Ley
Thank you so much for the critique. I am very nervous about my work and its always good to know that somebody enjoyed it.