z

Young Writers Society


16+

The Isolation Zone Chapter One

by kevin25a, RoxieRain


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

"Cheaters and a-holes who are seeking one night stands are like cats with nine lives. For every decent man or woman you meet, eight more are waiting to be an a-hole to you."

It's 2025 and I was reminiscing about how a speech I gave went so much further than I expected it to. A place I only spoke of hypothetically led to one now being completed in every country on earth. 

The Isolation Zone.

A three hundred foot tall wall surrounding a space as wide as a state. Thick enough that anything short of a nuclear bomb won't destroy it. Smooth enough it can't be climbed to escape, and sharpshooters are surrounding the parameter every two hundred meters 24/7. The most secure imprisonment that was now every country.

People who are put there have to make their own food by growing or raising it themselves, with limited animals, fruits and vegetables. Only once a month they're given new stocks from the outside. And it's sky dropped so they can't hitch an escape. Given enough generations every a-hole in the world could be systematically wiped out. From simple cheaters, to killers, to gangs or pedophiles. The Isolation Zone can be used as a imprisonment for all of them. Anyone who attempted to dig out was shot by sharpshooters. They are tranquilized before being brought in with an automated parachute. So they can't know how many sharpshooters or where. And are warned ahead it's inescapable and anyone who tries digging will just be shot in the back of the head as soon as they surfaced.

Dillon was a bit groggy waking up because of the tranquilizers he was shot with. He felt his arm being shook, and a voice calling him "Ghhg?"

"If that's a fancy way of saying hello, then ghhg to you too." Followed by laughter.

He sat himself up and rubbed his eyes. When he looked at the voice he saw a girl about his age now standing over him. "Sorry, I'm Dillon. Where am I?" He asked looking around and seeing nothing but trees.

"The drop point of the American isolation zone. I'm Sam by the way, your memory is probably blank because of the tranquilizers. They make sure you absolutely cannot wake up on the fleights in."

"But why would I be here?"

"My best guess is murder, or being a mutant, why else only cheaters get sent here, or for now anyway. Plus, the occasional one in a dozen who are actually as innocent as they claim."

"So what is your case?"

"Guilty as charged but don't expect to know the details so soon. Maybe we can share stories sometime, after you remember."

"You don't deny your guilty?"

"Nope, some just come clean and admit their mistakes, whether they hope for mercy or truly regret it is another story. This place is built on the concept of "once a cheater always a cheater" only those who are truly innocent will argue that, the guilty support it out of stubbornness mostly.

"Although, I personally don't agree that it's built on that, I am guilty. But nobody will check if we changed because it would require they come here, which risks a possible escape."

"So what do I do now?"

"Well you don't have a home that's for sure, I have a place I stay at alone, your welcome to spend a night." With a seductive wink "in a guest room of course."

"That sounds tempting if not for how you just admitted you're guilty," he said suspiciously.

"And you sound like one of the people here by accident, if that is the case best to keep it to yourself and make something up. The unlucky innocent people get eaten alive here for being a goody two shoes. Someone like me who feels pity for those unlucky innocent people are one in a hundred. You still want to come," another seductive wink "or stay here until something is dropped out of the sky on your head? I can guarantee you won't find anyone as polite as I am for a hundred miles."

"I don't think I have much choice anyway. At least until I can remember more than my name."

"I figured something like that." Sam smiled holding out her hand.

He took her hand and got up off the ground. "So how far are we from your place?"

"15 minutes, my shift just ended so luckily for you we can go now."

"Your shift?" Dillon asked.

"I work in the local drop zone, where you have been laying a day or so. You wouldn't wake yesterday, and other than the day resources are dropped we generally don't try to force a person awake."

"Why do you on drop days?"

"Well I don't know about you, but I don't like 10 tons or more of stuff piling on top of me." Sam said laughing.

He looked at her for a second and laughed too. "So people here have jobs?"

"Of course, we have a society that is almost exactly like the outside world. Homes, jobs, schools, farms, police and fire. Although, it's a prison, they do make sure we can survive. For now anyway, I have issues putting faith in someone who has the ability to starve me anytime."

"I suppose it makes sense, I just hope I can remember by morning." Dillon said with a worried look.

"Don't worry. I didn't mean I'm kicking you out after literally one night, if you can get a job your more than welcome to stay as long as you want. It would definitely make living cheaper for both of us. An example being three hundred each is better than five hundred for two places. I can defiantly fit you, plus more in my home."

"Planning to have company?" He realized how poor that choice of words was after he said it.

She gave an annoyed look "I don't sleep around if that's what you're asking, unlike most I learned from my mistakes. I got put in here for a reason I don't intend on repeating. I was in fact referring to the future possibly marrying and having kids," Sam said looking mad at the question.

He was sure people here are asked that a lot, but based on her being around his age he doubted she was here long. "I'm sorry it was a poor choice of words," he said hoping she would forgive him.

She looked at him and wondered if he could honestly be guilty. After letting out a big sigh she said "I suppose with the tranquilizers effecting teenagers like us heavier you might occasionally speak to soon without thinking. By the way we're here," she said walking to houses.

"Where is your house? These all look really expensive," He said surprised.

She smiled "nice people have nice things." She laughed at the sarcasm in that. "I'm young like you, but I'm one of the people in charge of the city. I was also one of the first ones here in this city. Since the people who live here now couldn't really deny me a house I take care of and have all my stuff in anyway. I own it, that and the house was already my home before the isolation zone existed." She said now sounding depressed.

"So will I meet your parents?"

"No, they are faithful to each other. They are most of the reason I can still live here, but I do so alone. You're the first guest in six months." She said unlocking her front door.

"I'm sorry I asked about such a bad subject. Wait six months, is this zone even six months old?," Dillon said.

She sighed "you didn't know, go upstairs and take a shower I will set out some of my dad's old clothes we can get you some of your own tomorrow after school. And yes, six months three days. Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes by the way."


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104 Reviews


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Fri Oct 09, 2015 5:34 pm
Holiday30 wrote a review...



SO I go from reading about children with super powers to a place that imprisons cheaters, gangbangers and ect. Well I am glad to see you are what me and my writing friends call an all-american. I am now reading a totally different concept from the first one I read. This shows that your mind is flexible and can adapt to new and different concepts. I like this story and hope to read more.




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Thu Apr 30, 2015 6:32 am
Kanome wrote a review...



Hello.
Kanome here with a review.

Woo... This is one of the longest chapters I ever read. xD
Anywho, this read was simply worth it. I love the story plot, the character, the explanation of the Isolation Zone. Everything in this chapter was simply interesting. I can't wait to read chapter two. Hopefully it's as good as this one.

Nitpick:

People who are put their have to make their own food by growing or raising it themselves.

Umm... do you mean 'there'?

With limited animals, fruits and vegetables.

This is not a sentence. This is a sentence fragment... I suggest putting this and the previous sentence together, into one.

- What do the characters look like?
Describe them a bit more.

Other than that, this was an amazing read.
Keep writing!

Kanome




kevin25a says...


Didn't notice I did that, I fixed it.



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Sun Mar 29, 2015 3:20 pm
XPresidentTurtlesX wrote a review...



Hello, kevin25a! This story had a good concept, though there were a few mistakes I found. Don't let that drag you down, though. Keep writing, and get better! With that said, let's get to some reviewing, shall we?

'are like cats with the nine lives'-I believe you meant 'are like cats with nine lives.' Something about the 'with the' just sounds rather odd and doesn't flow as well.

'The most secure imprisonment that was now every country.'-I think you meant 'that was now IN every country,' but I might be wrong.

'People who are put their have to make their own food by growing or raising it themselves. With limited animals, fruits and vegetables.'-There are three errors I spotted in this sentence. I'll start with the first one, which is the first their. This is the incorrect variation of there (they're, their), and should be there. Remember, there is a location, they're is they are, and their is possession. You also say "who are put there," which sounds incorrect. Try saying "who are placed there" instead. Then you start a sentence saying 'With.' It would make more sense to erase the period and put a coma instead, so it sounds like this: "People are placed there have to make their own food by growing or raising it themselves, with limited animals, fruits, and vegetables.

'Only once a month they're given new stocks from the outside. And it's sky dropped so they can't hitch an escape.'-You should erase the period and replace it with a coma.

'They are tranquilized before being brought in with an automated parachute. So they can't know how many sharpshooters or where.'-Again, you need to replace the period with a coma. This is probably a occurrence in your story, so I will stop listing these as a problem.

"That sounds tempting if not for how you just admitted your guilty," he said suspicious.'-Suspicious should be suspiciously, since you are describing how he said it.

Rather than that, I didn't see much. Your big problem is knowing when to place a coma instead of separating into another sentence and using conjunctions in a wrong area. Other than that, I loved the idea of the story! Continue with this series! ~Prez. T




kevin25a says...


It's spelled comma but yeah some of them are probably wrong. Coma is what it's called if someone is asleep and doesn't wake up for a long amount of time. As for one of the first and last yeah didn't notice I did that. Will fix it now.





Oh my gosh I've been spelling it coma all this time... I'm so stupid!
Rather than a few mistakes, it seemed like a good story. I'm definitely interested in seeing more of it!



kevin25a says...


Lol, yeah I would publish the other chapters while it's free but I want to let my friend look them over first.



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Sun Mar 29, 2015 11:52 am
kymorhens wrote a review...



This is a really interesting story and I am definitely interested in reading more.

I noticed only a few grammatical errors, mainly with "their, there, they're". Pasting this into a program like Word will usually sort that out issues like that.

I really like the feel of the story. But you need to choose whether you want to go with third person or first person. My opinion is that it would benefit from a first person, present tense perspective.

Really want to see more of this. Don't give up.




kevin25a says...


Thanks for the review, yeah all my stuff basically was typed on my phone's memopad widget. It doesn't fix anything, doesn't tell me any typos either. Not sure I know exactly what you mean with the first to third.



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Sun Mar 29, 2015 10:41 am
donizback wrote a review...



Ah! At last, I have something newer to review in the green room. My team is already struggling to get some points and I am doing really hard to earn some for it. haha

Anyway, let's do a review it.

It was a really good story. But wait! Did I miss the prologue or did you fail to provide any? Well, I failed to find any by the way.
The way you started the story wasn't really exciting. I know you can do better because the way you ended it, with a bit of suspense in there, was exceptional. (Don't ask me how to make it better. Believe me, I don't know. haha)

And the girl's name should have been cuter than this. Sam can also be a name of a guy. lol I just didn't like that. Not amusing!

I felt that you lacked in describing the characters properly especially Dillon. I guess he's the main character and I can't even picture him in my head. I don't know why!

One typical problem with this piece was that it was kinda long! I really expect people to not write anything above a thousand words in one chapter. I mean, feel for us too! We have to read it all this way and we can get confused on something this big. I am really sorry for complaining. This is all what I think... and nobody cares what I think.

Anyway, keep writing. Looking forward to reading chapter two of this novel.




kevin25a says...


Sam being a two way name was on purpose though I suppose it would bug a handful. Yeah as for Dillon, I had an info dump at the beginning I removed it just didn't work because it spoiled to much I felt could help being gradually added having greater impact than right away. As for Sam I will describe her as the story goes on, but if it helps you picture Jessica Alba, as a brunette, but as a teenager.

As for its length, chapter based stories on this site are just short. This is probably the shortest thing I have wrote because it's short of to create a environment, get to the point, and start a story.

It's roughly 2000 words I think. Most stuff I write is two or three times longer per chapter even as short stories. I find its easier to write good stories long than short. But you're the first I heard say it's too long, ironic since this is probably less than half the size of anything else I did.

As for your opinion, it counts, every is entitled to their opinions, and everyone's count. No such thing as a bad review as long as the review is honest in the eyes of the one writing it.




If you want something badly, you just gotta believe it's gonna work out.
— Andy, Parks & Rec