hot tea tastes like smoke in this throat
and burns Jasmine's breath onto teeth
under eyes
which reflect glazed
china cups brimming
with sloping sounds
of what you know are lit forms
talking in flame and burning tongue
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
HELLO!
why is the title like that? just little curiosity. And, your work's different.
my few questions.
why there's no capitalization?
why there's no punctuation marks?
"Throat, eye, teeth, tongue" all in one! cool!
Well, i'm sorry, am always this funny. but, i had pleasure reading this one, i wish there were some places to take a break, like you haven't used punctuations? add if you want!
And, nice work, keep writing.
Best wishes for you're a new comer!
I didn't have a title, so I used the date (without punctuation, haha) - 5 Dec '12. This was a poem I had written awhile ago.
When I read it, (inhale)
I pause (exhale)
after (inhale)
each line (exhale).
It's just like that - lilting and slow,
like a little breath in, a little breath out.
I'll consider punctuation, if it bothers enough people! Thanks for the review.
Oh now, i understand! Okay!
Well this is unique, I really like the style. I do think that "this throat" sounds weird. Maybe you meant his, or something else? Sounds weird how it is. Also, it's just one big stanza, with no pauses at all. It needs pauses, and maybe even broken into more stanzas. More detail could be added, but if you meant it to be vague, it really works, and sounds nice.
Keep up the good work.
- Phoenix
You know, I couldn't remember if I had broken this into stanzas before. I might have, but I don't remember.
Also, I did mean -my- throat - "this" throat! Don't get squeamish! (I'm joking.)
I appreciate the compliments.