Hmm...well, I made to admit, kenzie, that the message of this poem is powerful, and beautifully conveyed. I like how, in the beginning, you make a series of descriptions on the components and attributes of ships. It was eye-catching, it was interesting, and made me curious as to where the story might lead next. Furthermore, I also enjoyed the way you provide contrasts to highlight your points and exemplify the various attributes of ships, which makes the message that you provide later on even stronger. Ships are strong, mighty, and so heavy, but they still yet float. They try to sail through thick and thin, through good and bad, but sometimes, they will can handle the pressure no more. I agree with each of these statements, and I love the way that you conveyed them vividly and powerfully through your concise descriptions. When I reached near the end of the story, the moment of revelation that you provided, when you provide the reason for your writing this story, and shock the minds of the readers, I found that it was equally notable and impressive as the beginning, if not more so. All these descriptions about ships, how they sink and float, the many different kinds, all connect to us as people in this story. We face problems just like them, we are of similar kinds to them, we going through similar qualms as they do, and sometimes sink like they do. Your message is beautiful, realistic, and vivid. Everybody goes through these challenges in life, and, in a way, they face troubles similar to ships. It is a fascinating story to read, due in part to its intense and powerful message, one that is developed over the course of the story, and it's amazing how well this story is conducted.
I would like to point out, however, a few things that I noticed were a little, to me, odd.
First and foremost, I'm not sure what you mean when you talk about "missals." I looked it up in the dictionary, and it is defined as a book containing prayers and rites used by a priest. As such, given the context of the passage, I'm not sure the word is entirely appropriate for the said sentence, particularly considering it is about ships toughing through things. Could you please clarify what you mean when you use the word "missals" to describe something that ships tough through?
Secondly, there should be a comma between "sink" and "do" in the third paragraph to designate the natural pause that the reader will make when reading the passage. And the same can be said for the fourth-to-last paragraph, in which there should be a comma between "way" and "we." Lastly, in the following paragraph, the words "no matter how hurt we are," should also be separated from the rest of the sentence by commas, also because the reader would naturally pause over that area. Just keep this mind; when you are unsure if a comma belongs in a sentence, read over the sentence and notice any pauses that you make while reading. Designate, if there is no other substitute, a comma at that location.
Finally, in the fourth paragraph, there is a form error in the sentence, as you first describe ships in a plural form, but then describe their docks in a singular form. As a suggestion, replace "deck" with "decks are," so as to make sure that the form of all of the related parts of the sentence are connected properly. Lastly, I'd suggest replacing all of the "you"s in the last paragraph with "we." By using "you" twice, and "we" twice, it makes the sentence a little confusing, because I'm not quite sure who you are referring to. By replacing all of them with one or the other (although "we" makes more sense in the sentence than "you"), the sentence is consistent, and the point it conveys is much stronger.
Nonetheless, I loved this story. It was beautifully conveyed, and it was powerful. Nice job with the details that you have provided, and the message that you spread throughout this poem. I enjoyed reading this from start to finish, and, in conclusion, I like this poem. Great job! 
Points: 24185
Reviews: 299
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