This black dress..

Your writing style is good, but there are few mistakes you need to notice like few spelling mistakes & few grammer corrections.

There's just a few mistakes in here but it's alright we got your back. "We were jus like two birds..." Just change that "jus" into just. Also ".....it's been so long the grounds beging to seep." Two things. One, it's its. It's = it is. That wouldn't make too much sense in the sentence. Two, you spelled beginning wrong.

I truly enjoyed this poem and I can't for more

I really like the idea behind this but you should always remember to proof read! P.R.A.D! Proof Read All Day: it's a little something my old literature professor always told us and I like to pass it on. Anyways, I'm rambling, beautiful idea!

Since, this is short, I might as well do a sentence by sentence review...

"It's the feeling I got when I fist looked into your eyes." - I believe 'fist' should be 'first.

"Oh those blue eyes so shiny and bright they lit up my world every single night lost in them I'd find my self be," - This one's rather confusing with its lack of punctuation. I'm not exactly sure how it's supposed to flow, so I'm wildly guessing that it should be 'Oh, those blue eyes! So shiny and bright, they lit up my world. Every single night, lost in them, I'd find myself be.' I think it'd be more poetic if you used a specific shade of blue, e.g. azure and maybe, instead of '...shiny and bright, they lit up my world', try, 'Oh, those [shade here] eyes! How they illuminated my world.'

"We were jus like two birds in a tree," - I believe 'jus' should be 'just' and maybe it might be more..."romantic" to use a metaphor instead of a simile.

"Now your gone and buried so deep," - I believe 'your'(possessive pronoun) should be 'you're'(contraction for 'you are').

"It's been so long the grounds beging to seep." - Maybe a comma in between 'long' and 'the'?

"If only he saw what he was taking from me,"

"Thanks to Afghanistan im all alone and depressed sitting her in this black dress." - Comma in between 'Afghanistan' and 'im', which should be 'I'm'. Maybe, try to be more poetic, instead of just speaking of depression, describe it(e.g. It becomes harder to breathe in this black dress, something like that)

"Just one last hug I seek if only one last kiss on the cheek.." - Comma in between 'hug' and 'I', then a period after 'seek' and a comma in between 'only' and 'one'.

Lel, mistake.

Hey K!

So I see you are a total newbie ... well then welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here.


NOW about the reviewing part, lets get started,

uh well first of, I would like to comment about your formatting style.

I think you should divide all the lines, i mean that way your poem flows nicely and actually looks like a poem instead of a paragraph...

we were jus like two birds in a tree

it's been so long the grounds beging to seep

thanks to Afghanistan im all alone and depressed