Published March 16, 2011
I am the forest and you are the trees.
Now you are gone and I am empty.
No longer lush and green.
But dry and brown.
Without you I am nothing.
And the worst is the thing.
I no longer wish to see.
It’s not you but me.
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141,310 Literary Works • 674,340 Reviews
it's my first one I'm not much of a poet but i'll work on it thankx
Hey! Teardrop here.
First of all, I liked this, but I thought it could use a little work.
I think you need to fix the punctuation, and also make the poem flow. It's short, maybe you could add to it, or give it another stnaza or two. Just my opinion. Also, the last three lines are confusing, and I suggest possibly rewording them. : )
Make sure you ellaborate, check punctuation and capitilization too. I think if you add to it, you might also be able to put more raw emotion in there, so the reader feels what you feel. Overall, nice job, just remember punctuation!
Keep Writing and working on this!
~Tear
This was nice but all too short. It seemed like as soon as the feelings got deep you took everything away. I agree of Gracie on the line "without you i am nothing", it is quite cliche. Another suggestion is to look at your puncation. It may work better if you use commas instead of some of the periods.
Hi there.
This has potential but needs some work.
Firstly, it is very, very short. I don't think you can convey enough of an impact in such short a piece. I recommend you make it longer.
Secondly, I have a real problem with the line
"Without you I am nothing."
It is a very overused line. You see lines like this a lot in love and heartbreak poetry. It is kind of a cliché and very worn out line.
So I suggest you keep working on it.