Young Writers Society

E - Everyone

Undercover Princess

by kbaxter324

Blood. The metallic smell stung my nose. I could feel and hear the sharp pains of death. I wasn’t there though. I knew that. But that didn’t stop the frost form on my fingertips. When I opened my eyes, I found my arms covered in frost. I needed to get in control. I needed to be perfectly in control. Especially if my parents expected me to hide out. I let out a cold breath. The room was nice. White walls, dark brown hardwood, a desk and a white queen bed. That didn’t help with the fact that I had insane people after me. I didn’t care though. I could kill them if they tried to attack me. That was one thing my parents didn’t understand. They didn’t see how hard I tried to conceal my magic. People thought I was a monster even when my magic was concealed. The memory started to push to the front of my mind. Stop. None of it matters now. I made my bed and got ready for school. The maroon, black and gold uniform hung in my closet perfectly ironed. I put it on and grabbed a pair of shoes. I sat in the mirror. My stark pale skin, icy eyes. I closed my eyes. I took a breath and peeled my face away and made a new me. Long curly caramel hair, cinnamon skin, and grey eyes filled the mirror. Perfect. I made myself shorter and wider. Thank you glamour. Breakfast was going to be soon. I opened my dorm door and locked it behind me and made my way to the cafeteria. Large buffet tables were arranged for students with all different types of food. A line was forming of students clad in the same uniforms. I found a place in line and I allowed myself to observe. Students hangout chatting and slowly making their way to the line or they were making their way to tables. Though, many probably didn’t want food. I found myself with an apple, utensils, eggs and at the end of the line. I looked around and found the stairs to the second floor. My bodyguards were waiting for me. I made my way up the stairs. When I reached the top my eyes immediately darted to the familiar chestnut and caramel hair. Charles spotted me first. He was a sweet guy. With his inviting honey eyes, caramel hair, tan skin and athletic build he was model worthy although he was a musician. And although Asher seemed brooding and edgy he was a softie with chestnut hair , olive eyes and pale skin. He was taller than Charles and was more fit.

“Caylen,” Charles greeted me with a hug.

“Excited?” Asher asked with a lopsided grin.

“Sure,” I joked sarcastically.

“English first right,” Asher asked, question flitting across his face.

“Yes,” Charles responded for me as we sat down.

“How are you doing?” Charles inquired as he picked at his food.

“Good,” I lied. Sympathy flashed across his eyes.

“That’s good,” Asher said, frowning. He fell silent and seemed in deep thought. Breakfast continued with small talk about their families.

‘Some girls throw themselves at us. So you might want to watch out,” Asher said with a smirk as we walked to our class.

“Yea right,” I said as I walked beside him.

“You’d be surprised,” Asher said.

“I probably wouldn’t. A group of girls are heading our way,” I told him. I recognized the girl in front as the daughter of a guy who owned a huge firm.

“Asher,” She said in a syrupy voice. She was pretty. But barbie doll pretty. Too perfect. “Do you and Charles want to join us for lunch?” She asked.

“Sure as long as my friend here can come,” He said. Her smile seemed to freeze and she nodded and strutted away. “That girl is so insecure,” He muttered under his breath. We continued to class.

“Are you new,” A tall lady in a knee length dress asked.

“Yes, I’m Caylen Bowers,” I said, shaking her hand. She looked like a nice teacher with her brown hair up in a bun and her pretty face with simple makeup.

“Oh yes. I remember hearing that I had a new student. Here let me find you a seat,” She said leading me into the classroom.

The kids here were stupid. Prancing around in their little uniforms and acting like brats. It was making me go insane. The fae, elves and mer abused their powers using them foolishly. Asher and Charles seemed to be mobbed everywhere they went. Asher being the Prince of Fae made since why he had girls going after him, and Charles was a famous singer and son of a fashion designer.

I had been here a week and I found that all the classes were way too easy for me. Maybe I would have more competition once the dark magic creatures were able to come back. Vampires, shifters and shades would hopefully make better competition then the petty light creatures around me. The dark creatures would be back in a week. They had been gone for a month to go to a training camp.

“Caylen?” I heard Asher ask. I spun around to face him. “Can you help with my homework?” He asked.

“I have nothing else to do,” I told him. He gave me a look of sympathy. He pulled out his papers and we sat at the lunch table. The rest of dinner passed quickly as I taught him.

“Your lucky Caylen,” He said looking at me. “You’re smart and strong,” He complained, his mouth twitching. He couldn’t help the smirk that appeared. I glared at him.

“What did you do this time?” Charles laughed taking a seat.

“I was just complementing the beautiful maiden here,” Asher jokes. I couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped from me. They turned to me surprised. I shrugged my shoulders and picked up my plate to put it with the cart of other dirty dishes near the door. As I did so a small green plant grasped onto my leg. I didn’t trip though because I had seen it coming. Instead I froze it and kicked it making it shattered. I then turned to the group of girls on my right and smiled. They stared at me in utter horror. I hadn’t barely done anything. Maybe it was the fact that I had rebelled against them. I placed my dish on the cart. I turned back around and headed over to the boys. I felt their stares on my back and soaked them in.

“Boys, I’m heading back to my dorm. So goodnight,” I told them. They both looked up.

“I’ll drop you off,” Asher offered, although I knew he had to because of my parent’s order. We made our way to my dorm quickly.

“I hope you understood all that I taught you because I’m not teaching you again,” I said, smirking. He blanched and nodded.

“I took notes,” He assured me.

“See ya,” I said unlocking the door. He nodded and I shut the door behind me. After closing all the blinds I let the facade drop. I turned and looked in the mirror. I was horrified to see my face. I had purple bags under my eyes, my eyes were red and swollen. My magic was getting the best of me. I spent the hour working on meditation. I could never allow my emotions to control me. It was the first rule I made for myself after I had seen one of my uncles kill some innocent peasants out of anger when I was five. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake. I kept my emotions in control all the time. Meditation helped me after a day of stress. My other uncle who was my tutor was also a Winter Fae and had introduced me to meditation. It was my medicine. After an hour my stamina was wavering. I let go and decided to work on homework. A text interrupted my work.

Asher: The dark creatures are back. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 7:30.

I looked over the text and responded with a simple okay. I turned off my phone and finished my work and headed to bed.

Asher was ten minutes late. I wasn’t surprised when I saw him run over to where I was waiting outside my door.

“Sorry,” he apologized. He clearly had gotten ready in a rush. His clothes were wrinkled, his hair unkempt.

“Did you miss your alarm?” I asked.

“No,” He growled. “I ran into some shifters,” He informed me, clenching his fists. Shifters of course, they hated elves. They had been enemies for ages.

“I feel bad for them,” I told him. “But we better head to breakfast,” I reminded him. Asher nodded and we headed to the cafeteria. The salty smell of sausages filled my nostrils. The cafeteria was much more filled. Students still hung out in their separate groups. Asher and I found a place in the line.

“I think I’m going to find a seat down here today,” I informed Asher. I looked over at him. His eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes narrowed at me.

“Why?” He inquired.

“I haven't met any of the other students. It's probably suspicious,” I said, hiding a smirk in the corner of my cheek. He nodded in agreement. We dished up and he headed upstairs to meet Charles. I looked around. I spotted a perfect table to sit at. There were several fae and a few elves sitting there and probably a mer or two. The girls were clad in so much makeup it was freaky. I made my way to the table and took a seat.

“What do you think you're doing here?,” A shrill voice said as soon as I sat down. I looked up. A girl with long golden hair and hazel eyes. But over the top of her face was also a mountain of makeup.

“Oh,” I said, faking a smile. “I saw the table was slightly open so I thought I would sit here,” I said, playing innocent. The girl glared at me.

“So you thought you could come sit here?,” She snarled. The two girls on her side were now paying attention.

“Celeste, she’s the new girl,” One of the girls exclaimed. Celeste ignored her friend.

“You will not sit here,” She ordered. I bit back a laugh but stood up and pretended to be afraid. I snorted as I walked away. I swept the large room with my eyes. I lit up. There was a table of shifters and shades that was slightly full but could probably make room for me. I slowly walked over. They seemed to be in deep conversation; they didn’t notice me until I took a seat. I smirked internally wondering how this would turn out. The table fell silent when they noticed I was there. I looked up from my food. They were all staring.

“Hi, I’m Caylen,” I introduced in the chirpiest voice I could manage. “I’m new,” I said with a bright smile. They looked at each other exchanging glances. Finally a girl spoke up.

“I’m Brielle,” She introduced herself. “I’m a werewolf shifter from the DarkFang Pack,” The other shifters looked at her surprised she was introducing herself. 

“What position are you?” I asked, pretending to be interested.

“My parents are warriors so when I return from school I have to prove my rank,” She explained. Shifters functioned with packs usually with the same animals and had different ranks usually which were passed down to their children. The children had to prove themselves by doing requirements for their rank and they could be challenge. 

“What type of fae are you?” The guy across from me asked. I grinned.

“I’m a winter fae,” I said. Frost danced across my fingertips and covered my hands. They stared at me in awe.

“It's not that cool,” I promised. “I can’t shift into another animal or vanish into thin air,” I told them.

“Hasn’t the fae princess gone missing or something,” One kid commented.

“She has,” I exclaimed. “It is the most horrific thing. No one knows if she ran away or got kidnapped,” I said, concerned laced in my words.

“She probably ran away,” A girl said. “I doubt anyone could kidnap her. She is freakishly strong and such a warrior,"

"I agree people over react. I think she is probably fine. She probably wanted a break from the crazy royal life," Another kid said. I was dying from all their response. The rest of lunch was spent discussing what they thought happened to the princess. Little did they know they were sitting right next to her. 

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1232 Reviews

Points: 119938
Reviews: 1232

Wed Mar 17, 2021 7:47 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...

Hi kbaxter324,

Mailice here with a quick review!

Actually, I've been wanting to read this story for a while, but haven't gotten around to it. Now though! :D

I liked the plot, you also start very well and throw the reader right into the story without much fuss and you keep this style throughout the text. The few descriptions you get are good and you also notice during the reading that the story focuses more on the plot.

I liked your first paragraph well and not so well. Like the coin, it had two sides. Especially as an introduction to the story, this bombastic section seemed a bit too big. It could have been broken off into some minor one. But the good thing is how you start the story plot-wise. Especially the short sentences seem like a short, quick breath of the narrator. But especially in the second half, this should have been changed a little. I think the sentences could have been longer, otherwise the reader runs the risk of not liking the reading flow if he constantly reads these "choppy" short sentences.
This happens frequently later on, too, unfortunately, that the sentences seem too short and the reading flow is stiff as a result.

Your dialogues are short and crisp. They are well done, and really only need these few words. It seems as if the characters already know each other or have been working with them for a long time. It seems professional and serious.

"See ya,' I said unlocking the door. He nodded and I shut the door behind me.

There are a few places in your story, I'll pick them out, where you use a different preposition instead of an "and", otherwise it seems a bit stiff to read.

I like the idea and how you brought the concept to the page. I really like it. It seems like there could be more to come from Caylen.


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52 Reviews

Points: 350
Reviews: 52

Wed Mar 10, 2021 8:08 pm
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Sunflowerdemon3712 wrote a review...

Okay wow... that was fantastic to read! I loved this whole story and how much world building you were able to put in a rather short story!
The only thing I would say is your story does just around a little bit like one minute she's asleep and the next she's running out the door.
But I love your characters and how they all have a clear personality and I think it's so great to see that. Another small problem is the dialogue it was a bit choppy almost it was very fast and it didn't exactly feel like a real conversation.
Well other then that your story is great and I can not wait to read more of it (if your wanting to post more of this story) so anyway fantastic job keep on writing because this was honestly so original and fantastic to read! Have a fantastic day I hope to hear back from you! Bye! :)

kbaxter324 says...

Thank you soooo much. I hope to post more but I have been trying to make it cleaner before I do anymore so this helped!!!

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5 Reviews

Points: 167
Reviews: 5

Fri Mar 05, 2021 3:45 pm
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Ryu wrote a review...


You’re a very talented author! Great job on your vivid details and description, that’s very attractive to read as a reader. Keep doing it in order to get more readers!

Another thing I really like about this story was your character development! You did a really great job with creating sophisticated, interesting, intricate characters in your story. That is also very attractive to read.

One other thing I liked is how you played with different elements of fantasy. You used classic creatures like werewolves and put your own twist in that, and that’s really cool to read.

Something you could work on is the dialogue. It isn't organized as it should or could be. That’s really all the criticism I had, you did really great on this story! Can’t wait for more!

kbaxter324 says...

Wow!! Thanks for the comment it made me so happy to find out what people think about my writing!!!

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66 Reviews

Points: 37
Reviews: 66

Fri Mar 05, 2021 1:40 pm
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BEASTtheHUN says...

I loved this story so far, the ideas and plot seem to come together seamlessly. One thing I would say is that the dialogue seems just a wee bit choppy. People say the same thing to me. It's hard to distinguish. Other than that, I loved this story so far, and look forward to more.

kbaxter324 says...

Thank you so much for the criticism! I hope to be releasing more!!

Only the suppressed word is dangerous.
— Ludwig Borne