I remember coming back from school.
Waiting for him to show his face
Full of innocence
With a flicker of mischief.
______________
He would tug at my skirt
Telling me all about how he had been a good boy all day
and that how he hankered all day for a game of fetch.
He would tackle me to the ground with those
Muscular forefeet of his.
Barring to let me up,
Without moistening my face with hot saliva.
______________
I reminisce that day.
The day he got ill.
I wept with his head in my lap
My soul wrenched and ached in pointless agony.
______________
The next day,
My young fighter,
Smiled his smile.
Those bold puppy eyes
Ailment to my worn-out eyes.
All was okay.
______________
But that shrewd morning
That dark and dreadful morning.
Everything went wrong.
I had been mugged.
Mugged of my actuality.
My world had been splintered.
My shaft of light,
Cognizance and essence
All gone.
I despised every bit of it.
_____________
I stood as unmoving as he
Lay on the grasping green floor
"Get up boy!” I bawled.
No. Not today.
He was defiant.
Lying there
As dead as he could be.
______________
Oh!
How I long to stroke his shaggy coat;
How I long to pat his head and whisper,
"You've been a good boy."
But he isn't coming back now, is he?
______________
He's resting now.
Under the big old sacred fig.
There will never be another him
Another friend so loyal;
So gentle.
______________
He left without
a proper goodbye.
A proper kiss
Oh why?!
Did he leave so soon?
Leaving me all by myself.
You are in a better place now.
Over the rainbows with other angels.
Yet still,
My heart cringes
For your company.
But I know,
That you are my guardian,
Looking over me, from your special place in heaven.
'Til we meet again
Fare well, my loyal friend.
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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Your imagery is brilliant in this poem, I really enjoyed it and I could really feel the emotions throughout that the narrator was experiencing.
The emotive language and dialogue that you used really made me feel a sense of sorrow for the narrator and you made it clear how much they loved this creature because of the emotive language.
Enjambment use was really effective and showed a train-of-thought structure which was very good for this type of poem as people relate to it.
The metaphors are also very detailed and allows the reader to truly understand the theme to the poem.
I honestly can't see many areas of improvement, if you keep practicing I'm sure your work will be flawless.
Thank you for the read and I hope this review was helpful
Very, very good! I've never come across a poem that describes the pain so well. Just a suggestion, but I think that if this; "Get up boy!” I bawled. Was maybe changed to;
"Get up boy!" I cried or "Get up boy!" with tears streaming from my eyes. Or maybe combine the two of them. I think it makes it more poetical, more....sad. The readers are better able to put a picture to it. Posting something like this is very brave of you. You most definitely should be a poetry writer. Keep at it!
Hello, it's review time!
I just want to say you are totally brave to be posting a poem like this.
I wouldn't be able to go back into those memories to type this out,
and seeing by the end of the poem, you are happy and well again.
You have a good use of writing and I do not see any grammatical problems so in this case, you are good!
You'll find a new friend soon enough
Happy Writing!
Heya, Kay0rys28! Casanova here to do a review for you! I'll be taking this stanza by stanza, so I hope you don't mind. To the review!
At this point you just have to infer that you're talking about a dog. I like how you infer that without really saying it out right, so props for that. Anyway, onward.
At this point I think you're listing too much. What I mean by that is that you're listing out your actions and statements. Try describing them. Here's an example.
"His paws would tug at the edges of my shirt- to let me know how good he'd been all day, awaiting a game of fetch."
Or something to that extent. It's your poem, and this is only an example. Anyway, onward.
The one thing I didn't really like about this stanza was the use of,"pointless." It's not pointless to be in pain when a loved one is sick- whether it's a human or not. You have a right to be in pain- especially if they're dying/fixing to die. I would say cut that, but again, it's up to you. Anyway, onward.
I would suggest replacing the line,"ailment to my worn out eyes." The usage of a word ending two lines in a row just seems a bit odd to me, and I would suggest something like,"ailment to my own." I think it has more impact, as well, but that's just me. Anyway, onward.
I think leaving this at,"shrewd morning," would have been good enough- you don't need the line right after it. Anyway, onward.
I understand why you used,"defiant," but it still seems like an odd choice of words for a dog refusing to move. I would suggest cutting it, but again it's up to you. Anyway, onward.
I would suggest cutting the last line here. It seems to take away the seriousness of the overall poem, and honestly I cringed whenever I read that line.
Anyway, I think I'll stop there and review it overall. In some parts you have a shopping list of emotions and actions, which I think you can list throughout imagery and playing around with phrasing. In some instances your phrasing or word choices take away from the seriousness of the overall poem, and I think that you could do a bit better than that. And, in total, this poem seemed more of a way to get out emotion about your dog than an overall poem- everything is more about what happened and the emotion about it rather than poetic devices and imagery.
I think that's all I have to say on this one, and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
Thank you so much. I will definitely implement it in my other works.