Two Worlds Collide - Chapter 2

Ruan stood there as the maids swarmed around her like busy bees, curling her hair and dressing her into her long, red dresses. She stood there, her head held high once they were finished. She began to walk into the Room, her long, thin legs reaching out, step by step. The maids bustled around her, begging to be let in with her. She smiled thinly, her pale face growing even whiter as she opened the door.

"Call my little Rice." she commanded, her voice solemn with a hint of intense evil in it.

"I will, my Ruan Princess." a little girl shouted, running down the hallway to find Rice.

Ruan smiled faintly and stepped inside. It was a bare room, nothing on the walls but white. The only furniture it contained was a wooden chair, a wooden table, and a luxurious, comfy, green chair. Ruan walked quickly, taking a faster step towards the beloved seat. She sat, reclining in pleasure in the chair. She waited for a while until she heard Rice's approaching steps and his fumbling to open the door.

She smiled wider as he stepped inside, a boy that looked exactly like Eric, a beautiful tanned face topped with perfectly straight black hair. He bowed, his bangs falling over his beautiful blue eyes. Rice stood up straight, staring lovingly into the eyes of Princess Ruan.

"Well, what do you have about this...........girl?" Ruan spat, her voice becoming harsher ever since he gazed upon her.

"The girl, the girl. Yes, the girl." Rice stuttered dreamily, "Her name, yes her name is Susan. I have researched her........ She looks exactly like you, my dear."

Ruan sat up, her arms hanging limply on the chair, "Exactly like me, Rice? And you say her name is Susan? Like my Mama?"

Rice nodded, his eyes growing wide with glee as the princess smiled. She leaned over and beckoned Rice to sit. He sat gladly, his face growing a bright red. Ruan leaned over and kissed him on the head. He blushed even more, his face growing so red, it looked like a giant tomato.

"You know, Rice, you're very useful to me."

"I-I know, Rua-er Princess Ruan." Rice stuttered, his fingers fidgeting at every word he fumbled on.

"Ah, you know so much, my dear Rice." the princess said coolly, her fingers grasping his cheeks happily.

"I-I do!" He shouted gaily, his face brightening up at once.

"And where does this Susan live?"

"Angola, Africa."

"Let us leave right away."

Rice hopped off the chair, bowing and holding out his hand to lift the princess off. She smiled pleasantly, the tips of her mouth curling into an indescribable pleasant. They locked the Room behind them and Ruan left the castle, a cape of dark mahogany trailing behind her.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Nice feeling of quiet menace here. You leave the readers with an "oh my word what is he doing there" feeling about Rice, but I must warn -- beware of commas! You are using too much of them. They are healthy if taken with care, but too much of the stuff is poisonous!

I liked this chapter because of the style, subtle descriptions of Ruan, great imagery I got (try adding more descriptions of the wealthy interior of the palaces to fill in the gaps) and those fine, simple strokes of the pen that do so much so economically. Be selfish with your words as you are being now! It keeps the readers hungry.

Great job, good grammar this time -- I haven't got much more to say!

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Gg127
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Gg127 wrote a review · Sun Nov 06, 2011 4:02 pm

i really like it! I love fantasy novels because you can imagine anything you want! have fun with it and keep up the good work. the first part i the best but as it continues i begin to lose interest. add some descriptive vocabulary to keep the interest level high.

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katngo73
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Actually, this is a part of a novel..... here it is: novel.php?id=1986
Okay!!!


~kat

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Lulu99 Comment

I love this. This is the first part I have read and I no idea of what's going on but I want to read on. Great job!



A classic is a book which people praise and don't read.
— Mark Twain