Omaha

Wow, that's truly amazing! I could never write a poem in French!

(after reading the English translation)

I found the poem very well written.
It keeps the reader hooked and the layout is well done.
I like how every second line you try to keep it short, then allow the other lines to flow at their own pace.
Try not to use & and instead use et, to make it more verbally correct.
It all builds up, then drops off at a perfect ending.

Try use punctuation, such as commas, full stops, or possibly semi colons. As so then you can split up the verses, to make it flow more.

Good job, and keep on writing

From LLZ

hey there
this poem is very good , i think that the idea is interesting and deep.you just need some punctuation , also i think you should remove this "&" and replace it with "et" or even a comma.
i liked how you started every part with on nous or on y and used a defferent verb everytime.
"Cette battail" it should be cette bataille .
my favourite part is the conclusion , it's very expressive .
in general WELL DONE

I've done a *very* rough translation here because Google can only go so far to preserve meaning. In translation, I've also changed the point of view a tad bit; now "we" is american, instead of the implied French in the original. I sincerely hope that the meaning/depth is not lost in translation, and if you have any question about the original, feel free to ask.

They try and tell us
Facts and figures
Lives and deaths
Of those who were never found
Of the unknown soldier

They try and teach us
Dates
This battle and that place
To give the slightest idea
Of the events of June 6th

They try to show us
Maps
With victories and surrenders
Five beaches on the Atlantic
This one is Omaha

They try to
Tell us
Teach us and show us
But they never can
For we have learned that seeing is believing

They built us
A cemetery
With crosses and stars
To thank America
And bury her fallen brothers

We see here
Tombs
By the hundreds and thousands
From horizon to horizon
That will always endure

Here, we place
Flowers
Roses and lilies
For the memory of our brave men
But so many stand empty

We can only see
The memory
Of phantoms and a shadow
Of atrocities lost to history
That are commemorated there

We content ourselves
To visit
To remember and to thank
Those who gave their last
In protecting our life and liberty

And we hear
An echo
Of a song and her story
That reminds us “Never forget
War or peace”

I think it would be helpful for YWSers who do not speak French to provide a translation--I did put it in Google Translate, and the translation was actually pretty readable, but there's only so far automatic translators can go. For example:

"We simply
to visit there"

Those are the first two lines of the penultimate stanza, and I'm pretty sure that isn't how you would put it if you provided your own translation. It's hard to provide a review if I don't know what you actually mean to say.

Although I will say that, based on what did make sense from the Internet translator, it seemed pretty good. And although it makes it difficult for non-French-speakers to review, I do like that you wrote it in French, since D-Day had the soldiers landing in Normandy.

Let me know if you translate and I'll give a more in-depth review based on the English version.

Blue