I awoke to the all too familiar smell of the sick room in the Sanctuary. There was an old wicker chair beside my bed and in it sat Magnus and he was peacefully asleep. His old wrinkled face was so familiar, he had taken me in when I was young and my parents didn’t know what to do. He trained me as a night hunter and he gave me my first marks through transformation that were like thin black spider webbed lines on my skin and helped me when my fangs first grew in, he was like a father to me and he trained me well in the covenant ways. Magnus awoke suddenly with a start and sat up.
“Catherine” he cleared his throat “Thank heavens you’re ok” he smiled showing his still bright fangs.
“I’m fine, sir.” I glanced around the bright room. Golden wafts of sunlight showered the room from the window and lit up all the empty beds around us. “Eric!” I realized with a start and pushed myself up. A sharp pain like an electrical shock shot up my arms and legs paralyzing me and Magnus sprang to life pinning me down on the bed.
“Don’t move, Kit” he closed his eyes and placed his fingers on my temples mumbling something in a tribe language under his breath. All at once the pain stopped and my body relaxed into the blankets. “You should be more careful, you poisoned yourself.” He covered his mouth to stop from laughing and I couldn’t help but roll my smile.
“The bomb, Eric must have-” I tried to sit up again but the pain throbbed through my body then slowly faded out again.
“Eric is fine” he smiled laying an old marked hand on my arm “So is Rayla”
Panic shot through me and I shot up this time ignoring the fading pain. “Michael He-” I examined the beds around me.
“Is fine, he’s simply going to have a fierce hangover. Those nymph potions are very powerful at his age he shouldn’t be taking them.” He smiled despite the subject which meant something must have happened.
“What’s new, Magnus?” I said curiously.
“Well, when I assigned you your team I knew it was small…….When you where young I put you through the transformation from human to Hunter for your parents and you wear your marks well so…….”
I realized what he was getting at, my team whom I had grown closer to then myself was about to have a new leader….I closed my eyes wincing for the answer.
“I have assigned you a new team mate!” he clapped his hands together laughing as he sat back in his chair.
“Ok………..so that wasn’t as bad as I had expected it to be” I opened my eyes “So than, I get to boss him around?” I asked.
“Now, Kit, only if you-” he folded his hands preparing to give me a lecture
“Fallow your training and instincts.” I finished for him.
He nodded “You know the routine” he stood up taking his coffee mug from my bed stand “I’m going to go tell the others”
“About the newbie?” I stared at him hoping he’s say no.
He shook his head “No, I’ll let you have the honor.” I smiled in response and slid under my covers again. Just as I heard his hand on the door handle I sat up again “Oh, Magnus!” I said. He turned around raising an eyebrow “Thanks” I said laying back down. I must have only got about twenty minutes of light sleep before the sick room doors burst open and the voices of Eric and Rayla rang through the room. I squeezed my eyes shut hopping to fall back to sleep again but I knew it was hopeless. Eric tapped my nose and I turned around hitting his hand out of the way.
“Catherine” he leaned close to my face “Wake up sleeping beauty” he whispered, his breath ruffling my hair.
I snapped my eyes open and drowsily pulled myself up to a sitting position. “Thank god!” Eric dropped to his knees and made a pyramid with his hands to look like he was praying.
“What are you doing?” Rayla scrunched up her nose and delicately sat on a made up bed next to mine.
“Thanking god.” Eric opened an eye and shot Rayla an irritated glance.
“What happened?” I asked blinking slowly.
“Oh, I rescued you.” Eric sat next to Rayla.
“More like he went running into an explosion well after he knew you where…….” She pushed her hair out of her eyes nervously.
“Were what?” I asked.
“Were…..you know….”
“Dead?” Eric slid closer to her.
“Well, I would have thought you were dead just like every other bugger in that joint.”
“We did it?” I perked up knocking my pillow out from behind me, I leaned over in bed to pick up the pillow but Eric caught my wrist. I looked at just for a moment wondering at first why he stopped me; he picked up the pillow and set it behind my back.
“Yeah, more or less” Rayla seemed bored she had never really been into risking herself for anyone but herself.
“Speaking of which…………” I was trying to find a way to drop the news “Magnus has assigned us a newbie.”
Rayla’s jaw dropped and Eric’s hand slid off my bed rail where he was standing after fixing my pillow.
“Why?” He asked quietly.
“Because, Eric, Magnus doesn’t think we’re strong enough, I knew it…………” Rayla trailed off in a rant about how she shouldn’t have ever gone through with her training and something else about how she wished she had wished that she never ever set foot in the sanctuary.
“But then you wouldn’t know us” Eric smiled ruefully.
“Big loss” Rayla rolled her eyes.
“What’s his name?” Eric turned to me. I hadn’t actually even figured out if he was a girl or guy but everyone had seemed to already have decided it would be a guy.
“I’m not sure” I said trying to recall anything Magnus had said about him or her.
“Ah……” Eric sighed sitting down besides Rayla as if she wasn’t there staring off into space.
“It’s not that bad, he may be a good fighter.” I was trying to appeal to Eric “Or maybe tall dark skinned and charming” I winked at Rayla who gave me a completely unwanted look “When is he getting here?” she asked.
“I suppose this evening” I said looking to Eric who was still staring off at the wall. Rayla stood up and as if on cue Eric woke up from his other dimension and looked at her.
“I want to make a good impression” he waved her hand at us and skipped down the rows of beds “Tah-tah” she called back at us before closing the door.
Eric collapsed backwards across the bed with a long outward breath.
“Come on, what’s your problem? Ever since that party last night you’ve seemed distracted.” I had always been astounded at how well he could make himself look like he was sleeping.
“My Problem, Kit is that there is going to be a new guy” he sat up and raked his thin marked fingers through his dark hair “That I don’t know” he added.
“None of us know him or whether it’s a him or her” I looked at him with confusion; this couldn’t possibly be bothering him that much.
“Kit……….I” he started talking but his mind seemed to be grasping for something he couldn’t say.
“Just tell me, we’ve always been able to tell each other everything.”
“I-I-just” he looked into my eyes and my stomach started jumping for him to say something “I was just wondering if you will be out of bed by noon?” He smiled.
“Oh……..yeah” I hoped I didn’t seem too disappointed that he didn’t tell me something like he was having a baby, though that was impossible I was hoping for equal excitement.
“See you in the kitchen at twelve thirty” he smiled, stood and after my nod of exception he sauntered off.
The room was dark, Pain spread through my body paralyzing me. My finger tips started burning which spread up my arms down my back and chest and on my legs. I wanted to move, but I was strapped down and my bones wouldn’t budge. Like a snake sliding up my face the burning sensation slithered up the sides of my neck and to just above my ears. Finally after what felt like an eternity in pain the burning faded. I lay on something flat and cold like a cement block in the darkness. Something quickly flashed in my eyes giving me a head ache when I squeezed them shut. I waited more time than the last before slowly lifting my eye lids. I tried to lift my hand and it moved, I had control over my body once more but heavy straps weighed me down. I kept asking myself why I was strapped down but then I realized in horror……..my body went straight in pain again this time it was in my mouth. It felt like tiny burning rods where being pushed through my gums then I realized that it was my teeth they were pushing and changing shape. By the time the pain faded my mouth was numb when a flash of light shot into the room from a light above me, it was like a skylight that had opened showering golden rays onto my face which stung slightly. I felt the straps loosen and I sat up as fear shot through me…..I caught a glimpse of my hands and arms, they were glowing blue swirls and designs that had been burned into my flesh I shot my head up to scream but I couldn’t make a sound………
I woke up with a start, my heart pounding against my ribcage and my fingers digging into the crisp white sheets. I sighed and lay back down on the pillow. I was dreaming of my transformation again just like last night and the night before that, I sighed again at the thought of it. I wanted to see someone I felt like I was being kept in isolation, and it must have been somewhere near twelve anyways. I slowly pealed the blanket off my shaking body and put my bare feet on the ground. I realized that I wasn’t changed into clean clothes, I was still wearing my black cardigan with red pockets that was unzipped halfway to reveal my red tank top and my most beloved dark khaki pants. My pants had blood smeared across the thighs and the skin above my tank top was badly scraped. I laid my hands on my knees trying to gain energy when I noticed my marks they were very thin and black and spread just down my wrist and delicately onto the top of my hand. The sight of them made me think of my dream and I quivered. There was blood on my fingers and my hands were scratched and still bleeding. I didn’t even want to know how my hair looked. Gingerly I stood up and slowly walked to the clear door of the sick room. I stepped out and closed the door to silence and was greeted by more silence. I padded barefooted slowly past the front door next to the sick room and past the staircase that led to our underground weapons room and past the kitchen and back door to the spiral staircase that led up to a hall way where our rooms where. The entire sanctuary and every room in it was round with lots of big windows to symbolize peace, and indeed the memories that filled the round halls of the sanctuary did bring me peace. I remembered the dinners in the kitchen; the hours of intense training in the back yard covered training house and most of all, the hallway where our friend ships where first bonded and still grew.
~K.C.
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HI!! Thanks so much! I really changed it a lot at the begging and i will pm you when i post another part. Please re read it and review it again!
Thanks, i have lots of new stuff in the begging of this part actually i'm editing it to match tonight. No it hasn't been pulished by any one else before it is simply a common story line, Thnx, if you want i can pm you when i post another part of this story?
Hello,
I will give you a short review for your story today, I think it is really well done and think you are doing a very good job writing it I was also wondering if this was already written by someone else? because someone who posted before me said it was. well anyway you are doing a good job keep up the good work. your fellow writer for Jesus.........
horse
Hi katecull
my should be #FF0000 ">by.I like this post a lot. I only saw a few problems and most of them could be sorted out if you re-read this post.
Can you pm me when you post more please?
midnightread
Hi, I'm coco, I'll be reviewing you today
I hope you don't take my advice the wrong way, if you do I apologise in advance! I do like this story though and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this.
What I like about this is the idea, although it has been done before you seem to have an interesting take on it and you also seem to know exactly how everything works in the world which your story takes place in which is a good thing, because if you believe it, we'll believe it.
The problems with this piece...
I think the dialogue is a bit lacking something - I can't really put my finger on it. Perhaps you can go back and make it more interesting?
Also there were a lot of grammatical errors, I can't mention all of them but somewhere you wrote "where" instead of "were", BUT everyone makes these kinda mistakes, all you have to do is go back and edit them and you should be fine.
Another thing, the last paragraph - WOAH! You really need to break it down, putting all that in one paragraph will put off readers.
Lastly I thought the beginning of this needs some work. You dump a lot of information in the beginning paragraph - you should release information slowly while your story unfolds - this way it'll be more interesting to read.
Wow, I've been quite mean, haven't I?
Best of luck!
*coco