Published December 17, 2010
What will people say?
I am a father, who loves her daughter from the bottom of his heart,
There is a boy she loves, and cares for him a lot,
I met him and I was impressed by his youthful charm,
I was happy for the couple and desired to approve of their wedding,
But the Boy is Christian and I am Brahmin. So, I am concerned...
What will people say?
I am a girl, who dreams of flying in the sky,
One day I will have wings and freedom to fly,
Music is my life and singing is my passion,
But, I am getting married next week in gala and fashion. I was afraid of...
What will people say?
I am a young man, with a humanitarian approach,
I wish to teach kids in the slums of my nation,
I desire to carry out petitions against the corrupt of my nation,
I want to ride a bicycle to my office to conserve resources of my nation,
But my father is a respectable citizen of my nation. So I have to take care of...
What will people say?
We have not seen the faces of these people,
We don’t know the identity of these people,
When in need, we are not assisted by these people,
But our progress is governed by...
What will people say?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,419 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
I understand the idea in place here but you are not taking the time to mould it into a poem. It does not read as a poem. I also think you are being a bit too specific. I understands the differences you are trying to highlight but maybe, if you wern't so specific, it would be more generally applicable and thus be effective for a wider range of people.
The main issue is that you need to take this and craft it into a poem - seperating a piece of writing into stanzas isn't enough to constitute a poem.
Hello there
I understand what creative approach you were going for here and it's kind of catchy. However, out of all the stanza's I had a problem with the first and the last. The first stanza was not well written and synchronised like the others, in fact, I did not feel like I was reading a poem. I think you should revise it. As for the last stanza, I think it was not necessary, mainly because it falls out of place when you link it to the rest. I know that it's sort of a conclusion, but the reader (me) has already made that conclusion. You don't have to tell me, I know already. Besides, I don't think a conclusion is really required in a poem such as this one.
Your concept though as I mentioned before is very catchy. Keep it up.
Keep writing and good luck
I have written a poem, kindly post your comments.