Layla Johnson is an African American girl who is very beautiful, she has dark brown eyes and beautiful long, thick, and curly black hair. She lives in Detroit Michigan. Detroit is a dangerous place to live in. Layla attends Martin Luther King High School, as you walk by the school you can see lots of graffiti and kids doing drugs before going into class. Layla only has one goal in life,to finish High School. Layla has gone through the lost of her mother, Donna. Layla is very intelligent, but she can also get distracted easily, especially when she sees Tyrone. Tyrone is an African American guy who is a trouble maker.
Layla lives in a neighborhood were like in school everything is written on and there is i lots of graffiti. All around the apartment, there are gangs, some are wannabe gangs and some are actually gangs ,very dangerous gangs. The apartment is a peach color it has window bars in case someone wants to escape or go in the apartment. There are window bars in every window,the living room, kitchen, the two bedrooms, and a small window in the bathroom. In her bedroom there are lots of posters of her favorite band, favorite character and the university she would like to attend.
Martin Luther King High School is a very bad looking high school,from the outside and the inside. When Layla needs to go to the restroom she holds it in because they are very dirty.The toilet has graffiti, the doors are full of gang names, gang signs, where the toilet paper is at there are random names of random people. It smells really disgusting. There is a mirror ,well there was one before some girl broke it by getting down with another girl. This is why Layla doesn't use the restroom at school because they are dirty and because this is here most of the girls meet to get down.
Her parents are Malik and Donna. Her father is a hard working guy who makes sure that she doesn't make the same mistakes as he did when he was in high school.He is the is kind of tall he has short hair and like Layla, he has very dark brown eyes and dark black curly hair. Her mother, well according to the pictures she has, she was very pretty, she had straight hair dark brown hair and she had a necklace that Malik gave her when they were in high school, it has her initial which is a "D". Layla also has a necklace with her initial "L" that her dad gave her when she was very little.
Tyrone is Layla's boyfriend. They have been together for a long time. Tyrone unlike Layla, doesn't care about his grades or school, he only goes to school to see how she is and because, well because he has to. If it wasn't for Layla, he wouldn't go to school. In fact, he has "OK" grades, well his grades are better than other kids like him.
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It started as a regular day Layla ate breakfast with her father Malik and as usual without her mother who she missed. She felt incomplete without her mother Donna not with them. She had always been more attached to Donna than Malik. She finished eating breakfast and said bye to Malik and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She then went on to school which is Martin Luther King High School. It is considered a ghetto high school basically because there you see a lot of gangs outside of school, kids doing drugs before going to class.Layla lived in the ghetto neighborhood usually a lot of bad things happened such as shootings , and a lot of murders. She then arrived at school earlier than usual, Layla then saw her boyfriend Tyrone. She was really in love with him and would do anything for him. Although Tyrone wasn't a good student like Layla he was the opposite of her. She was a really good student that did homework everyday, behaved in class and usually finished classwork on time and had very good grades.While he did not do homework , he did not behave in class and did not have very good grades. Layla then went to class first period was science although math was her favorite subject in school. She went to all the classes Layla behaved very well in all her classes. The classrooms in her high school were not the best because students always did bad things such as not behaving good, talking bad to the teachers, and also bullying other students. Although Layla never had a problem with being Bullied maybe it was because of Tyrone who usually protected her for anything. She got out of school at 1 pm It was an early dismissal today. After school, Layla waited for Tyrone who probably had detention as he usually did. He then invited Layla to his house. Tyrone said "Come on it will be fun just for a couple of hours we could watch movies my parents aren't home right now either". She Agreed to go to his house to watch netflix for a while.They arrived to Tyrone's house he did not have the best looking house. It wasn't the biggest house and also wasn't the cleanest house because his house had trash outside and also inside his house. They watched movies until Tyrone started touching Layla in places where she would not feel comfortable being touched. Although they have been dating for about 5 months which was not much for her.However, Layla thought it was too soon to be having sexual relations with him. She asked for Tyrone to stop touching her that it was too soon for that kind of stuff. Layla said "Can you please stop is too soon for this kind of stuff?" Furthermore, he did not listen and he continued until he forced Layla to let herself. Layla gave up on trying to stop him doing that so she just let herself. She did not think about the consequences that would happen if she had sexual relations with Tyrone. Later that day Layla went home and told Malik a lie which was that she had stayed at school to finish up some work for a class. "Sorry Dad I had to finish some after schoolwork that's why I was late" Layla said to her Dad. He believed Layla, he said it was okay that she came late because it was for a good reason. Malik then said, "It's okay Layla come with me and eat dinner I made your favorite Kentucky Fried Chicken". So then Layla went to eat dinner with her father Malik. They both ate dinner at a small table, it's the most they could afford so Layla was fine with it. A week passed and Layla started to feel symptoms like Food aversions which is a craving for certain food Another thing Layla felt was tender, swollen breasts which made her breasts feel sensitive or sore, Layla also felt her breasts heavier. Layla then wondered why she was feeling all of this stuff, then one day she decided to do research on her laptop on these things she was suddenly feeling. Layla felt confused but then found out why she was feeling all of that. The first thing that popped up on her dirty,old laptop screen on google was that she was feeling Pregnant Symptoms. Later that day Layla was freaking out she didn't know what to think about Layla then began to get worried and started to think about what she was going to tell her father Malik. Layla then also started to worry about her education and that she would have a big responsibility having a baby she was going to have and that she was not going to have time to go to school.
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Her dad helped Layla through her pregnancy and Tyron did not do anything about it but Layla was thinking to do abortion after a while she realized that it wasn't right that she was not going to do the same thing her mom did and that she wasn't going to do that mistake and that is not the baby's fault and that she deserves to live. She wanted to do abortion because she wanted to go to school and her dream would all go down and not do much so she that she was not going to do the things her mom did so her dad Malik helped her out throughout her pregnancy and her dad later on would take care of her granddaughter while she would go to school. After all she did the right thing not do abortion and she graduated highschool and make her dad proud that she did the right thing.
Layla realized that you don't really the help of a man to help you out when after all layla lived through she graduate and she has her baby and her dad by her side and when she graduate she felt really great about herself because she did when threw a lot of struggles and with the help of her dad she made it through. Malik her dad was proud of her because layla understands him as a single father it would be tough but they stood together and made everything work out and they did not let anything bring them to Layla feels happy that she is a mom with a really cute daughter and her father with her but she feels more proud that even though she was not raised by her mom she is going to make the difference and try to be a really good mom and always be on her baby side. Tyron realized that he messed up and sometimes he want to be with her but if he confronts her it would be a mess because tyron left her when layla told him that she is pregnant and that Tyrone did not wanted to be responsible. So layla left really sad and it would bring her back memories when she wanted to do abortion a knowing that she has her baby with her it would just not let her.
Layla loves her daughter so much and she is more thankful to her dad because he is been always there for her daughter after her mom left her and he became a single father and after he found out Layla was pregnant. She is very proud to call him his dad because sometimes is the dad the leaves the woman like what happen to layla but it wasthe opposite to her the men left her when he found out she was pregnant.
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Malik said he will be the father of his grandson, after the father of the baby Tyrone left Layla and the baby that is on her way.The dad decided that when Layla would have the baby, he could take care of the baby while Layla would go to summer school and try to get her education.Layla had her baby 3 months later in a hospital close to the city in Detroit.It was a girl Layla named her baby Donna for her Mothers first name.Dad asked why you name the girl your mother's name?because she was my mother and although she left me I will always love her.I know she left me for some reason and it was a good reason it might sound bad that she left, but myself honestly forgives her.That is why her granddaughter name is Donna she at least will remember something from her grandma that she will maybe never see in her life.One month later after Layla left the hospital she went back to summer school and attended a local high school near her, she of course had to make up most of the classes because of the time she missed while she was pregnant.Later called and now she was a senior the year after, after she finished that semester and year she got a scholarship to Detroit Mercy, so she would be close enough to her daughter, while her father was working at a tire shop, the daughter was in preschool at the age of 3.Layla was working on having a major in social work.She completed her lifetime goal, she knew all the things that got in her way, was maybe the thing that saved her from failing her goal.Her baby, the father leaving her, she having to go to summer school to get back on track saved her from a lot of things.If to say the absence of her mother left her heartless, imagine what's life going to be for her daughter Donna with out her father?Malik says he will make sure he takes care of her with all his life, he will guide her through good try to take out her way of anything bad that comes through the road and also be a great grandparent to her.She might not have a grandma, but one thing she still has and that's her mother who sacrificed so much for her, the things her father Tyrone will never do for her, but at the end there could always be a change and maybe one day her father could realize that she is important to them.Layla will always have Tyrone in her heart although he might of broke it, but the love will never end.True love lives on and never stops even if the biggest problem gets in its way.
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So what, she's going to finish High School and sit on her couch the rest of her life?
erm, I digress. You've got a good base here; Layla is a solid character to build around --- very sympathetic and easy to relate to, an every-person in a lot of ways. And you have an interesting location and setting, in that sort of rural poverty that I think so many people are familiar with. But with the paragraphs as overly long as they are, a lot of this comes off as rambling. I'm going to say this isn't a good story, but if you keep practicing and working at it, you'll get better. Try reading your work aloud before you upload it; that always seems to help, at least for me. Recording it works even better. I hope you keep writing.
Hey karinazuniga000,
Myjaspercat here to give you a reveiw on this amazing december review day. Let's get to it why don't we.
So... I kinda stopped dead in my tracks because I was gettting so sick of editing the same things and kinda potentially saying the same things. Now don't get me wrong, you have an interesting idea here and if executed correctly it could turn into something interesting. However as it stands there a few more bads then there are goods. Let's touch up on few...
For one you really need to proof read something before you post it. There were a lot of spelling, grammer and punctuatin errors that could have been fixed with a quick overview. Second of all the whole piece in itself is just, how do I say it, boring. There isn't much for your reader's to look forward to. Then again, like I said, your idea if done well could become great. For one you tend to repeat information, which bogs down the plot. Tell your reader something once unless it is critical to the story line then reintroduce the idea again later. Kind of like in a tv show where they are looking for something specific, first they talk about what it is then they set out on their mission and then they come back to main point and see if they figured it our or solved it. (Obviously there is normally more to it then that but I hope you get the point.
The last thind I want to touch up on is the way this is written. The style is very childlike and underdeveloped. The repetative use of Layla's name for one is something that needs to be improved on. We understand that the main character is Layla so there is no need to continuly use her name over and over, even if this is told in third person. Second, the language you use needs to be expanded on. Instead of telling us over and over that the walls are covered in graffeti describe what some of it looks like. Are they all pictures, are they all words? Are some letter's larger then others, do they look like they were writin by the same person or people? Do you see what I mean. If you continuly give us small boring words to describe someone or something then your reader is never going to truly picture anyting in there minds.
I think I'm done for now. I hope I helped you instead of making you pissed at me. Anyway, happy new year. Good luck and continue writing.