Published August 8, 2009
*Author's Note: 2nd draft and subject to change. need pointers, tips, ideas, critiques, the whole 9 yards. thanks
Life is a stream with many forks
You can’t go back,
The current pushes you forward
You can’t wait forever to make a decision
The current will make one for you
Make the right decisions and you will reach the ocean
Make the wrong decisions and become trapped in a lake
Or worse, dried up
In the streams are barriers
The inevitable obstacles of life
Rocks, logs and animals
You will crash and spray, be absorbed
Go to fast and you may splash out of the stream
Be smart when facing an obstacle and you will survive
Avoid the animals for they will drink you
A bigger power you have no chance against
Some get a second chance
Evaporate into the air
Become rain and hit the mountains
Where you join the stream once more
But the chance is slim
Too many others begging for a second chance
Get it right the first time
When you reach the ocean
There will be no more twists or turns
No more barriers
You will be free
You will have power
Become part of a powerful wave
See the beauty around you
Go wherever you want
The life of the stream is over
Those who make the right decisions
Shall rest eternally in peace
Become a higher power
Experience beauty that only the privileged see
The life of a stream is over.
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141,376 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Yes I do need to make the ocean more understandable to Heaven. Good questions too, perhaps I shall find a way to put it in...
The theme reminds me of something like life is like a moving car on a straight road with no reverse gear .
You really do need to make the ocean part a little more understandable.Is it the end of the journey.can people die when hit by those obstacles?
Smart concept and fairly smart execution.
Ohhhh! Now I get it! Clever... haha. :]
ahh it appears i wasn't clear enough, i wanted the ocean to be synonymous with Heaven. So basically the ocean is Heaven because in Heaven there are no more trials and tribulations. In heaven you're also more of a being of power than a human. So you become one with others in heaven just as water does with the ocean. A single drop becomes the entire ocean.
thanks though!
Oh, and also..
"The ocean is for those who made the right decisions
Now they can rest and become one with the ocean"
you said ocean twice. it sounds awkward when you say it aloud, haha.
or maybe it's just me?
I like this a lot, but what did you mean by this?
"To reach the ocean, is to reach the end of life"
The end of life?
To me it seems like reaching the ocean would be a new beginning... a new outlook on life.
There are so many different views through everyone though, so what I am saying right now could not make any sense to someone else, or just be false in their eyes.
To reach the ocean though.. wouldn't you think it wouldn't be the end?
Becoming a powerful part of a wave, becoming all that you have worked for when you're in the stream.. right?
I have no idea. it's almost 5am here. haha.
Also, I think it should flow a little better, but other than that I don't really know what I would change?