Published July 28, 2009
He was a nice guy, timid and young
She was a party girl, looking for fun
He wanted love, truthful and pure
Her love life moved in a blur
He believed in one love to share his world
She dated everyone, the neighborhood girl
He wrote poems, love ones in particular
She was in homes, loving on the regular
He saw her one day and his feelings were true
She saw him too and thought he was cute
He was so happy, a permanent smile
She liked the attention, she'll keep him a while
He wrote poems and bought her whatever
She messed around, while wearing his sweater
He found out but couldn't believe it
She was on the couch ready to recieve it
He confronted her and asked about the rumors
She was surprised he didn't find out sooner
He started to cry and asked her why
She told him the truth no reason to lie
He ended it quickly and walked away mad
She watched him go, feeling kind of bad
His whole world collapsed he wasn't the same
She began to think it's time for a change
He made new friends, the nice guy was dead
She started over, that's what her friends said
He was always in trouble, living in detention
She went to class and actually paid attention
He met a new girl and wanted to screw
She was a nice girl who's feelings were true
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141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
Fabulous! Just an awesome read and sure brings a smile... Keep it up cause you rock XD
nice work! bravo!
its a very very unique style that ive never seen before!
just one doubt though
your words
i feel.....well they dont quite fit together....maybe its just me....
anyways carry on the good work!!
Every once in a while, when I feel like critiquing something, I come across a work that doesn't need any work whatsoever. This is one of those cases. I honestly enjoyed everything that this poem had to say, and I loved how it ended, because it can happen to anyone who is jilted by a lover. Excellent, excellent, excellent.
My only suggestions would be to add punctuation at the end of your lines, but how hard is it to add periods? My other suggestion is to get rid of the bolds and the italics with "he" and "she". They don't really add an effect; rather, they just distract. All your stanzas are "he then she", so if you leave them be, it'll be fine.
This poem reminded me of one of my favorite e.e. cummings poems called may i feel said he. They're very similar in structure and in subject matter. But honestly, I think you may have done the better job of getting into the feelings of your characters.
Excellent job! Keep up the good work!
kf
Wow. I'm totally speechless. That was flat out, all around amazing. Great Job.
It kinda reminded my of Avril Lavigne's song, Sk8ter Boi, but thats just me. =] great job once again.
_Writing for love is a passion_
Dude...*puts on favorite works*
Hey, this is absolutely brilliant... just saying. :]
I really like how you flipped the characters around, and how you set up the poem. It's genius!
Just liek the person before me, it told a story.. which is a nice twist on today's poetry. :]
Most people are writing with just silly ryhmes without
meaning, but this actually has something there.
Something to relate to, or understand.
I really like this.
:]
Hi
To be honest I have never come across work written in such style.Completely unconventional,interesting,meaningful........fantastic idea about change.
The way the poem unfolded telling a story was really was nice.You really captured the emotions of the two people really well.The way the two characters caused each other to completely change to their opposite nature is something I have never seen before.
The poem showed how two people's philosophy and way of life can be drastically reversed by a single incident.
The feelings were kept very clear and the poem's sophistication was fantastic.
Gold star stuff!