A Night To Treasure

Its a very good poem. I especially liked the rhyming words i must say
But dont forget: (like you told me) be careful with your punctuation..."cover*s* is" its supposed to be 'are not is' if not, its wondergul ! Keep up the good work

It's okay Jojo I totally understand. This poem is far from perfect but it's just that I've never actually done a poem that hasn't rhymed... I don't really know how to write one that isn't. If you could give me some examples maybe I could study it and try to pick it up.

it's just that I watch a lot of spoken word and listen to a lot of hip hop so i feel the need to rhyme.

p.s. the "ha" was the irony bit.

Hello!
I'm Jojo and i shall be your reviewer for today!
Grammar is in red.
Others are in blue.

As they lay here thinking and looking at each other
Searching for words buried under(neath) covers
But ha?, the cover is where she doesn’t want to go- why "ha"? i don't get it...
Trying to understand, he hides his disappointment so..- so... what? it's a sentence fragment here...
But she knows.
A woman always knows.

What started as an intense make-out session
turned into hesitation and guessing.
Being a cynical,she thought about the end.
Being experienced, he tried to make amends.
He’d been at this again and again
while ( and would be better suited)she just got her first boyfriend

The music on the radio turns to sad songs
Of letting go and moving on
Funny how coincidences happen in a (random? )world
It’s convincing-like destiny, absolution in the swirl.- doesn't make nay sense.
There’s some kind of magic, ready to unfurl.
But right now, it’s just the boy and the girl.

Technically speaking, they were woman and man.
But young and learning, without a guiding hand.
He tells her it will be alright.
That the future will come, just not tonight.
He will not force her to take this flight.
Because if she’s not ready, then it’s not right.

She breathes a sigh of relief,
pushing away the guilt and grief.
Content together the pleasure
they called this night one to treasure.
As they enjoyed their youthful leisure.

About that content together the pleasure line... I look at it now and I don't remember what I was trying to say there. I think I just forgot to finish that line. haha thanks for the help guys! I'll be sure to take everything into consideration.

Hi, Yanni1995 here! just wanted to say that this poem is really meaningful. it's beautiful as well.

Now, on to business.

As they lay here thinking and looking at each other
Searching for words buried under covers - i think here you should put "under the covers" instead of what you originally put
But ha, the covers is where she doesn’t want to go - you used 'covers' as plural and yet you put is. be careful of this.
Trying to understand he hides his disappointment so
But she knows
A woman always knows

What started as an intense make out session
Turned into hesitation and guessing - for this sentence, i think it would be better if you switched the places of hesitation and guessing so the rhyme would be there.
Being a cynical she thought about the end - 'being a cynical'? or 'being cynical'? i don't exactly understand what you're trying to say here.
Being experienced, he tried to make amends
He’s been at this again and again
While she just got her first boyfriend

The music on the radio turns to sad songs
Of letting go and moving on
Funny how coincidence happens in a random world
It’s convincing like destiny, absolution in the swirl
There’s some kind of magic, ready to unfurl
But right now, it’s just the boy and the girl - this stanza is beautiful. it has really deep meanings within it.

Technically speaking they’re woman and man
But young and learning, without a guiding hand
He tells her it will be alright
That the future will come, just not tonight
He will not force her to take this flight
Because if she’s not ready, then it’s not right - this stanza conveys deep emotions and it shows how much he loves her. i like it.

She breathes a sigh of relief
Pushing away the guilt and grief
Content together the pleasure - i don't understand this particular sentence. the wording doesn't make any sense.
They called this night one to treasure
As they enjoyed their youthful leisure

Overall, this was a really good poem. Keep up the good work. Just be careful of the way you use the words because sometimes they don't make sense but other than that I have no more comments.

As they lay here thinking and looking at each other
Searching for words buried under covers These words don't rhyme as perfectly as they should...
But ha, the covers is where she doesn’t want to go
Trying to understand he hides his disappointment so
But she knows
A woman always knows

What started as an intense make out session
Turned into hesitation and guessing
Being a cynical she thought about the end
Being experienced, he tried to make amends
He’s been at this again and again
While she just got her first boyfriend Some parts of this stanza fall heavy.

The music on the radio turns to sad songs
Of letting go and moving on
Funny how coincidence happens in a random world This line sounds too long.
It’s convincing like destiny, absolution in the swirl Confusing. Absolution in the swirl?
There’s some kind of magic, ready to unfurl
But right now, it’s just the boy and the girl Aha, nice rhyme!

Technically speaking they’re woman and man
But young and learning, without a guiding hand
He tells her it will be alright
That the future will come, just not tonight
He will not force her to take this flight
Because if she’s not ready, then it’s not right The two "not"s in this line clash.

She breathes a sigh of relief
Pushing away the guilt and grief
Content together the pleasure Put a comma after "together" or reword if if you don't mean they are together and that's pleasing to them both.
They called this night one to treasure
As they enjoyed their youthful leisure These two words, "treasure" and "leisure" don't rhyme! No offense, but it ruined the end of the poem.