Published June 19, 2010
I fell in his arms,
He smiles,
My heart pounds,
The smell of love was in the air,
Was it puppy love?
Or true love?
Our kisses so sweet,
but yet not passionate,
we know what we want,
but we dont want to go too far yet,
always together,
forever and ever,
rather now then never.
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141,413 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
Welcome! ^.^
so your first post? lemme try to help you.
I fell in his arms,
He smiles,
My heart pounds,
The smell of love was in the air,
Was it puppy love? certainly we can find a better word than this!
Or true love?
Our kisses so sweet, same here.
i'm not too fond of the last three.
For your first post, it was good stuff, liked the idea, try to work on the words, imagery and different wording should try to make it less repetitive.
i hope this helped!
Hi,
Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here.
This flows nicely, and the repetition of the "er" sound at the end is very effective, suggesting that it is inevitable.
I'd change "fell" to "fall" so you're not mixing your tenses, and replace cliched lines like "love was in the air" with something more descriptive.
Hope this helps,
Jas