Young Writers Society

Hello,

I enjoy this poem a lot, the title is what caught my eye. I was interested to see where you would go with a title like that. Though, I must say, this is a bit confusing at first, for me anyway, but I really like the idea and theme you were trying to capture here. The details really gave a good image, and I could picture it all in my head, which I love in any kind of writing.

"The yelling of words
The sobs of anger
A crash,a crack"

That was the best line by far, just the opening. I think it really captures the reader and makes them want to read on, also its great because I feel like I can see and hear what is going on, which I love.

Great job

I really like the idea of this poem, its always good to read a horror poem; they really speak to me. Without sounding deranged I feel you could have gone a lot more in-depth with the poem and did feel like you lacked imagination or you didn't put much thought into the poem other than the main idea. What I mean by this is that you talk of how the house is on fire, but you don't describe the house which, been as it is on fire I thought you would have spoken about more in detail. Talking about how the walls are melting or how the home no longer looks or feels like a home any more.

The way that you described things in the poem just left me thinking that you were really lazy, in a way that you could have made a sentence sound a lot more interesting. Sentences such as 'Something is bright in the other room,' I just felt was really uninspired. I hate trying to recreate a sentence, but if it was I who were writing it, I might have said something like 'A painful glimmer of crimson crackling fire, my sight consumed by the furious frenzy of Flames.'
I think using more adjectives would make this poem so much more interesting than just using simple sentences like 'The fire is orange and yellow,' and 'The smoke is black and thick.'

There was one line that I thought was well written, 'Your dress, pooled around you, catches fire from a stray ember,' (forgiving your spelling error) I really liked this line, which shows that you are capable of describing the other sentences in a more fascinating way.

I really hope that my criticisms haven't been to harsh, and that you'll take what I have said on board :')

Quite good, ka67.

Hello! New to reviewing here so sorry If what I say isn't very helpful.
Well I'll start by saying that this poem has a very interesting topic, it's not every day one reads a decent horror poem. I liked your use of sound effects and the narrators observation in the beginning. It really grabbed my attention.
I did notice that you are lacking some spaces between your , 's and the words, that might be something you would want to fix.
Another thing is your ending. While for some poems short two word endings add effect, I think for this one that you would be better off using more detail. Describe how the girl burns, describe how she dies. Send those shivers up the reader's spine!
All in all wonderful poem, keep writing!

Hello there Ka! Dogs here with your review. I noticed that you have been giving out some quality reviews to people, so I figured that I would repay the favor . Also, if I may start with: WELCOME TO YWS! I know you've been here a couple weeks but... I'm Tucker and if you need anything, a review, some help, advice, anything! Let me know and I'd be happy to help you out . Anywho, on to ze review! (haha that rhymes). Okey dokey, I think this is a lovely poem and certainly right up my ally of expertise. So, before I jump into the review as a quick note, just the writing style of the word choice seems strange because it comes across as: "you screams, you jump to door, you catch on fire, you burn, you die." Of course I'm being melodramatic, but that does sound a little boring. Maybe try re wording to put a different spin on your poem.

This poem is certainly dependent on imagery and sounds, so there are two things you need to add a little more here. Imagery and vocab. Tiny minor things because your poem is pretty darn top notch as it is, but it will really help your writing out. So when you start with:

"The yelling of words
The sobs of anger"

Here is a point where you need to choose stronger and more image provoking words. "Yelling" and "sobs" aren't doing it for me. I would suggest you look them up a thesaurus and edit them out accordingly. Perhaps say something like: "The wails of words/ the bawls of anger." It just immediately creates a picture of someone in pain right off the bat.

As for the other note, the item you need to throw in is a little more imagery. Especially when you say: "Heaving the door open, flames greet you" I really love the imagery that you use of the flames greeting your main character. Try pushing that idea more, describe him/her being warmly embraced by the embers as the creep across her body, searing her flawless skin. Whatever you deem is necessary.

I think the bit that you use about her going under the bed and dying is great, but push it more. I want to see the most gruesome and revolting picture that you could ever create with words. I want to see the flames charring her flesh as her skin peels like wilting ash and drips like wax from her smoldering face. Searing her muscles as the skins melts like drops of water and pools on the floor. Just make something so disgusting that the reader's skin crawls. That should be the purpose of this piece here.

All and all this piece is excellent writing as it is, but I want you to push every thing more. Push the limits and make the reader's skin crawl. Loved reading this piece, I hope my comments were helpful. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh