K so I've looked over your guys' suggestions and im gonna fix my story up a bit.
Chapter 2
John: Lets go everyone!
the small squad of 4 climbed the very steep mountain to fight the dragon.
Jimmi: okay John, I think you might be a little... COMPLETELY INSANE!!!
John: Why do you say that?
Jimmi: Oh, no reason just the fact that we went to this time for research,
and now you made us go and fight some dragon...
John: well I had a perfec.... *gets cut off*
Jimmi: no I'm not done, and this dragon has been terorizing this town for
the past 50 years, and it killed those other 6 people with one swipe, and all
we have no equipment to go fight this dragon with, so all we have in out
great fighting party is... A dumbass leader who thinks he can slay a dragon,
a silent girl who no one knows anything about, a crack addicted professor,
and me, the comic relief, and we are supposed to go fight a dragon with a
map that shows that the dragon lives on the other side of an ENTIRE
MOUNTAIN RANGE!!!!!
John: But just imagine how great it will feel to be a hero
Jimmi: I swear John, if this dragon doesn't kill you, I so will
Shyrl: .....
Professor: Heh Heh... *Snorts extra crack from pocket* yeah lets go kill the dolphin
Jimmi: its a dragon, nice going great leader
*back at the town*
Random guy #1: hey whats up
Random guy #2: i finally got some people to go fight the dragon
#1: wow they must be complete morons
#2: yeah they really were, i gave them the map to the cave and thats it
#1: wow, they might be able to do it
#2: yeah they just might....
Both: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
*back on the steep mountain*
John: finally we got to the top of the mountain
Jimmi: yeah only 27 more to go!!!!!
Shyrl: .....
Professor: hey i bet i can snort this dirt... *SNOOOOOOORT* ah man i feel better now
Jimmi: Just kill me now
John: come on, we need to get this dragon
Jimmi: ok i just thought of something, we have a leader that is a complete
dumbass, a main character that NEVER talks, and the comic relief guy is the
only sane one in the group... this author must be a complete retard.
John: what? what author?
Jimmi: what oh never mind...
Professor: HEY look over there!
Jimmi: yeah theres an injured guy
Professor: not that, its a giant chicken patty... mine i called it
Jimmi: okaaaaay, well either way we need to go help that guy.
John: no no let me handle this, we need to go help that guy (he said this very heroicly)
END OF CHAPTER 2
------------------------------------------------------
ok, so i modified the format a bit, i think its a little better, i kinda wanna get throuh this story, cuz the sequal is gonna be awesome, but this next chapter id gonna be great... trusy me, i just need enough time to write it.... k so anyway bye bye
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
i am not used to reading in this form, but your story is great, i love your sensed of humour. great story.
kim
Im not really into the script format but easier to understand this way also to me it seemed a bit random but not really in a bad way I like the changes you made and i think i like where this story's going i hope you continue.
Haha this one was wayy funnier. I love your sense of humor. Something I can't really get into my writing.
However I have tried to write comedy
Check it out and make sure you leave a comment:
topic21507.html
and a parody I wrote:
topic21497.html
Now on to your writing. It's much better, easier to read and I can see that the script format has helped make this story look and sound better.
However I can tell you haven't had much experience in writing scripts. Go on the Scripts section on this site and read other people's to get a better gist at how they are written.
Professor: Heh Heh... *Snorts extra crack from pocket* yeah lets go kill the dolphin
Laughed my ass off after I read that.
happy halloween
-icy.