Published November 15, 2007
"JEFF!, JEFF!, DON'T DO THIS JEFF! IT'S NOT WORTH IT"
"don't worry, im not gonna do it" i said putting the knife down
"what was with that, what's wrong"
"WHAT'S WRONG! WHAT'S WRONG! EVERYTHING'S WRONG! I HATE
EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE, I CAN'T THINK OF ONE GOOD THING HERE"
"but look at all the great things you got from life"
"what, working my butt off to help random people I don't really give a crap
about, trying my hardest to make people happy, well this is once i really
wish i could make people happy, but I'm too much of a wimp to do this"
"you are only looking at the bad parts"
"shut up Jak, I don't need this right now"
"Please, you need help"
"no, I don't need help, I need TO help"
"You are completely insane"
"I just want you to be the one who takes over my life"
"you don't mean that"
"yes I do Jak, you are the better me, I just want you to completely take over"
"I packed back up th knife"
"this is my choice, don't stop me"
"Jeff, you are insane"
"no, I'm finally thinking clearly"
"No you are not, there are much better choices...."
*SLICE*
"NOOOOOOOO!!!, DAMMIT JEFF"
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT, YOU COULD'VE JUST TALKED TO PEOPLE, WHY DID YOU BOTTLE UP YOUR FEELINGS, THAT NEVER HELPS"
Then all that was left was Jak, no more Jeff, I'm not gonna say the full story of what happened that night, because honestly I don't think you care, but all you need to know is the Jeff is no more.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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141,437 Literary Works • 674,445 Reviews
If you think the reader doesn't care, this is probably a very bad sign. Either, tell us what happened or don't put that part. In either case, you're going to have to revise it. The trick of being a good writer is pretending that what you say actually interests the reader.
wow, that was very strong emotion. it took me a second to figure it out, but the multiple personalities were speaking to each other.
very unique.
the only thing to change is honestly do a spell check.
other then that, i actually like this.
kim