Imagine the world where no students take art as a course and have any of you thought about how important art is part of our life? These days, students are simply too busy with other major courses such as English, social studies, science and math. However, people do not realise that art is very crucial to our daily lives. Nowadays, most jobs require ingenious, whether you are a designer, constructor or an advertiser. If students are required to learn art as a subject, they will be able to obtain creativity and high concentration.
First of all, I strongly believe that art should be one of the required courses to learn at school because art is a subject that lets students be more creative and improve academic performance by using skills that they have learned from art class. Unlike many other subjects at school, there are no right or wrong answers. While other subjects don’t really require creativity, art requires you the outlines to be innovative. According to PBS parents website, “Art is a way to encourage the process and the experience of thinking and making things better!”. This quote indicates that art is a way to build up and enlarge thinking inventively. For instance, art was one of my course at school and I noticed that before and after taking art class made huge differences in my life. The techniques that I learned in art were used in social studies visual note taking such as drawing simple animated characters easily and language arts rule of thirds which was very helpful, advantageous, and conducive. Therefore, art should be set as a required course, in order to enhance students’ creativity.
To add on to the previous statement, I strongly admit that art increases individuals’ concentration. Working hard on one thing make students concentrate and this is part of process of letting students to maintain their concentration without getting tired easily. According to Be Brain Fit, it states, “Creating art trains you to concentrate on details and pay more attention to your environment. In this way, it acts like meditation”. This evidence support that art actually increase concentration when they practice drawing based on details and repeating for several times. For example, students who are distracted by something and could not keep on their task should try to work on art. To illustrate, I had once when I was deeply addicted to online Tetris games and after I took an art class last semester, I totally forgot the awareness of the Tetris game because drawing made me happier than the tetris which actually hurt my eyes and affect my body by the lights reflecting from the computer screen. The outcome was that I got to think deeper about the techniques of the places and concentrate on one thing for a long period of time. Therefore, students who wants to increase their time on studying without any other distraction and keep on maintaining their concentration should learn art on purpose.
Although a majority of people would say that art as a requirement is a waste of time to the students who decided their job that is not related because they think that art takes a long time for some of the immature students, and there are no benefits that makes students better in their way to the future. Also, art takes a long time to think of creative works. However, this fails to consider that art is waste of the time because if they keep on working, they will be used to think faster, efficiently and productively and finally make a good piece of work in a very short amount of time which means that art is beneficial consequence that actually let students advantage their concentration.Therefore, school should arrange art class for students to learn art as their required subject since art benefits students maintaining and increasing the level of concentration, and advancing their creativity by practicing and trying for several times.
To conclude, school should make students to learn art as their required subject whether they need or not for their future job since they could easily maintain and increase level of concentration, and advance their creativity by thinking deeper. Thus, I believe students should take art as their main course for their benefits.
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138,578 Literary Works • 672,171 Reviews
Hey there jwgil20. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
1. The title is the first thing a reader sees and it will determine if they even glance at your piece. You want something up there that will draw the readers in and be something that is easily understood. I had to read over your title a couple of time just to figure out the meaning and I wasn't even that interested in reading it. I had to get all of the way through the description before deciding to come check this out.
This line doesn't strike me as a very strong line. If this was the bait on the end of a hook, you might catch one or two fish but not a magic amount. You might want to pose a questions to your readers, like in the example I provided below.
You see, this line got me instantly interested because I really wanted to know what are the benefits of art. You can take this suggestion anyway you like.
2. This piece is riddled with grammar/spelling/typos mistakes and run-on sentences. These holes need to be patched up immediately if you want to save this essay starting with the major run-on sentence I have placed below.
Besides the fact that it is nearly four lines long, this sentence barely makes any sense, even when standing next to the idea it supports. The first fix needed comes at "To illustrate". This phrase can not be standing all by it's lonesome. You need something there to support it. I think this version would go much nicer.
There is one other way you consider and I think it would make everything look a little better formatted.
I just inserted "this concept" to patch up one of the minor holes.
This big sentence then needs to be split into at least two, maybe three smaller sentences.
i. I think the best place for a break, seeing as a comma resides in the spot, is after "online Tetris games". This means you would have to rid yourself of that "and" . The "a" in after would become a capital "A" and that sentence would mark the first split.
ii. Now we are up to two sentences but another break needs to occur somewhere for this to be clearer instead of this murky color. The next break should come after "the Tetris games". Once again you are going to have to get rid of that middle word. The same rule of capitalization as last time applies. Waves good bye to "because" Now let's get back to business.
iii. This is what the final sentence looks like currently.
This still needs a bit of TLC and I think the first word you need to insert is a "had" after drawing and before made. This makes the sentence go together a little better. In "the tetris" the "t" of Tetris needs to be capitalized. "affect" needs an "ed" on the end otherwise the sentence parts do not agree.
iv. Here is your new and improved sentence.
This still doesn't look right and you need to reword the second sentence. Here is one possible way.
That other sentence was way too wordy. What was the solution? Throw the unnecessary words out. Throws unnecessary words out with the trash and the baby in the bath water.
3. I need to take a break from grammar/spelling/typos to address some other concerns I have about your piece. Down from the title the first sentence is the next most important thing your reader will see. I t needs to be strong and yours is not.
You did use a question but it came at the end of a very confusing line. You have two parts to your sentence and they need a period instead of an "and" to separate them.
4. How about we skip down to the last paragraph next? The conclusion of this piece is very weak and hard to understand in its current state. I believe that I can fix this.
-To conclude is a very overused way of starting a conclusion and I was always told by my teachers to never touch it. This part can stay if and only if you find a way to fix the rest.
-Besides the fact that this sentence is a run-on, it just doesn't make sense.
I think you meant to say something similar to this.
See what I did there. I took the same exact thoughts you had used but reworded them. This way they flow together much nicer and don't drive the reader crazy while trying to figure out the cryptic meaning.
-The last sentence of this paragraph is alright but I don't know if I can help it without further hurting it.
5. Besides this you just had a couple of typos, some misplaced punctuation and too many spaces. Sorry if I can't be of any more help.
6. This was an interesting topic and I did like your support. You just need to proofread better next time. Hey look, you're new here and I forgot to welcome you. Welcome to YWS! waves, throws some confetti If you have any questions about this review please feel free to PM me. I'm in chat a lot to if you ever need someone to talk to. If your question is about something else on the site, I'm all ears for that too.
Have a nice day!
-lizzy
Hello, jwgil20. Just hopped by to read your essay. This is very persuasive by the way. I found myself agreeing with you by the end of your paper, which doesn't happen often since I'm not easily persuaded. There are some grammar mistakes in here though so let me point them out to you:
You need to reword this somehow because it is confusing. Maybe like this for example:
"For instance, art was one of my courses at school and I noticed huge differences after I took it."
It should be "makes" instead of "make".
"Supports" instead of "support".
You need to reword this too and "tetris" should be capitalized. And you need "affected" instead of "affect". I'd reword this sentence and make it into this:
"To illustrate, I was once deeply addicted to online Tetris games; but after I took an art class last semester, I totally forgot about the Tetris game. Drawing made me happier than the game which actually hurt my eyes and affected my body in a negative way because of the flashing lights on my computer screen."
"Want" instead of "wants".
This needs to be reworded too. It's a big fragment believe it or not because you didn't complete your thoughts.
You can make this clearer as well. Also, "thinking" instead of "think". And you forgot to put a space between this and the next sentence.
Again here you can better word this so that it is easily understood. Anyway, that's it for my review. This was really, really good though. I was convinced. Keepwriting and never get discouraged!
~Keepwriting