I did the right thing... didn't I?
Kenzo Tenma was distraught. He was no longer sure of it. No, he was sure. He was really sure.
He was only finishing what he already started. There was nothing wrong with that, was there?
No there wasn't.
What was wrong was them pulling him out in the middle of a crucial medical procedure, right when they were already starting. Actually, they were well into the OP already- what, four or five minutes? Ten... guh...
I mean, since when did any hospital operate like this really? Preferential treatment for patients-they're practicing it now? What- why-
They're the ones who are wrong, not me. They shouldn't be doing this. Doctors can't choose who they want to help- who they want to save. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. No...
Tenma kept trying to tell himself this though he was scared, really scared. He didn't want to know what was going to happen to him, he didn't want to know what was going to happen- he kept repeating this in his head over and over.
He didn't want to think.
He just wanted to forget his problems for the time being.
He just wanted to sleep...
Oh, yes. I've barely had it.
Kenzo Tenma opened his eyes again, and looked up. The news channel was still playing the same old same old, this time with a forecast on the weather, a pretty short stint. He didn't want this. He needed someone to talk to.
I could really use Eva right now, Kenzo thought, and he felt a little sad.
As soon as Kenzo thought of Eva, his thoughts went back to his worst fears, predictably enough.
What would Director Heinemann do?
Would he tell Eva about all this? Surely he wouldn't. Would he?
What does she think of all this? What is going to happen?
Why is this happening to me...
Preferential treatment... I mean I already had an idea that this was happening in this hospital but-
It was just that, this had never happened to me. I've never personally experienced this before. Now it's happened, and now that it has...
Kenzo ran his hands over his face, tired and exhausted.
Was I wrong? Was it I who made the wrong decision?
Tenma groggily rubbed his head, and his temples throbbed, yelling at him to sleep- practically begging for it.
The doctor hit his face with a pillow hoping it could ease his worry and bring comfort to the thoughts in his mind; right now all he needed was some sleep. He'd been getting enough "wrong days" as a neurosurgeon; it was something that comes along in his line of work, but this was...
Well, after what happened last night, he was troubled to say the least . He couldn't stop thinking about it. He didn't like thinking about it.
He'd barely gotten any sleep, if you could call it sleep at all. His mind was too busy; a lot of thoughts were running through his head. He may have shut his eyes once or twice, the hours passing then - he never could tell anymore, sometimes it would seem like seconds only to him - but it didn't feel like sleep at all.
At some parts of the night, he couldn't bring himself to sleep. He wouldn't stop thinking; the voices in his head won't stop talking about his audacity, and whether it was stupidity or a remarkable quality.
Other times, he'd feel terrible and want to tune in to the news for any updates on the mayor, and hoping of signs maybe, of reassurance from the Director. He didn't think Dr. Heinemann would show up on the news at first, but he thought twice about it and was right on the mark.
As for what Kenzo Tenma thought now-
He wasn't happy. He wasn't happy at all.
I'm thinking about too many things, he thought. Calm yourself. Clear your thoughts. I shouldn't even be watching the news.
He clicked the remote to turn off the TV and lay down on the bed to close his eyes.
Why is this happening to me...
What do I want, he thought as he slowly drifted away, forgetting all his troubles for the time being.
Dreamland greeted him around the corner but he only wished, one last time before completely going away: he hoped he didn't get what he thought was going to happen, what he thought he was about to get.