This is a great start! You have really sturdy bones here and with a little more meat added you'd have a very compelling beginning to a story. The only thing that I could see making this section more compelling is if you flipped around the order of the sentences a little. I.E: instead of introducing herself at the very beginning Kadence can explain how she went from standing tall with a loving mother, father and sister to broken into pieces with a dead sister and an absent father. This would add a little more intrigue and allow the reader to become invested in Kadence's story before even getting introduced to her.
Another technique that you can use is to not outright introduce Kadence's story to the reader via her voice, but introduce her story via other characters' voices. Instead of Kadence speaking on her supposed 'nice' life her mother can express disgust with a maid or a butler or something else that shows how rich she grew up rather than just telling the reader. Learning to show readers instead of telling them is something that's been super helpful in making my own writing better.
Hope this helps!
Points: 374
Reviews: 6
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