Hey there, I'm in the process of procrastinating like crazy, so here I am!
Oooooo so I liked this. I'm not usually that into this kind of genre and story, but you've certainly grabbed my attention. Your writing flows very smoothly and it has the ability to keep your readers engaged (well, keep me engaged anyway). I'm super excited to see what this is leading to, and what other experiences Katrina has had with the paranormal. I really do hope you post more because I'd certainly be interested in reading it, that's for sure. I like Katrina's voice too. She's quite blunt, which is refreshing for a female lead, and from what I can tell she seems to be quite wise too. I definitely like her, anyway. So yes, a really good job overall.
This is a big pet peeve of mine, so I may be biased, but I'm not a fan of your introductory opening. I have a thing for stories that begin with the 'hey, my name is blah blah blah' format. It's not particularly engaging, and has a massive telling (as opposed to showing) kind of feel to it. Especially with a story as unique as this one, your opening could really leave more of an impact. I'm a bit of a first line/paragraph nazi, and am obsessed with mysterious, questioning, emotional, descriptive e.t.c. openings. I just love stories that make me go wow in the first sentence. As a whole, I do like your opening. I like how you address the reader, and I absolutely adore the last line of it where you suggest your readers go and investigate the strange happenings of their own towns. It's just the first few lines I'm not keen on because I can tell from the rest of your writing that you're far more capable than that!
In regards to plot and character critiques, my first one is the way in which Katrina freely stepped onto the tour bus with a pair of complete strangers. You gave her the stranger danger thought process, which was good, but it just seems odd to me that her parents wouldn't have noticed. With her being the age she is I can accept that she would go ahead and do it, though perhaps with at least a bit more hesitance, but I guess I need an excuse for her parents not to notice (I realise she didn't actually do it and was having some vision thing). Maybe just make note of how she sees her folks head into the building or something, or her mum goes in while her dad is distracted with the twins. Something like that, y'know? It's just that as of right now, it does seem a little odd to me that she stepped onto that tour bus so freely, and without being seen at all.
Now I loved the twist of the bloody massacre; it was completely unexpected, and made everything turn very exciting. Nonetheless, I do think you can write it a bit better. At the moment, Katrina just seems so emotionless at it all... At her realisation of what she's seeing, her narration doesn't change in pace or anything, which it would in reality. It just all needs to be a bit more dramatic, I think. It's currently very monotonous and narrated in a somewhat 'matter-of-factly' way. Throw in some short sentences, describe some physical reactions (i.e. her stuttering, breath running short, heart beating, that kind of stuff) to portray the shock and fear Katrina is feeling, particularly considering she's only six-years-old. If I saw that now it would be bloody terrifying, let alone if I was a six-year-old girl! What I'm basically saying is that that scene could do with some more oomph.
That's about it, methinks. Critiques aside, you really are onto something fascinating here. You've got a great balance of mystery and action in this here chapter, so that's awesome. I'm also not too sure of the connection between Katrina's hair and these paranormal events at the moment, so I'm curious to find out what that's all about. Anywho, as I noted earlier, I dearly hope you decide to post more of this! Please let me know if you have any questions or comments regarding this review because I love discussing stuff.
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
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