Published April 15, 2008
I have no heart I have no soul
They have been taken away
Away to the dark
Were nothing can be found
And nothing can be lost
You can neither have it nor loose it
It is just gone.
And nothing can take its place.
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,385 Reviews
First, let me just say, while this was well written, it's been written before. Many, many times before. The poem is just so short that you have tons of room to expand and describe what it is that is making the speaker of the poem feel this way. Until that happens, this poem becomes lost in the background.
I removed the italics (because it's a cheap gimmick), and I closed the spacing between lines (because it's unneeded). Spelling corrections and punctuation will be in bold:
Just expand on this idea a little bit, and you'll be improving at least 200%
thanks for sharing!
kf
This is lacking in just about everything a poem should have. There is no flow, no interesting use of metophore or simile, no interesting word choice. It's all very blah.
There is nothing that I can say I took from this poem, nothing that will stick with me when I go to sleep tonight. Basically there is nothing here.
It's what we call "emo poetry" which should not be considered as poetry at all really. It belongs in a blog or a diary, not on YWS.
Sorry to be so harsh.
OverEasy