Head over heels for you
How is it you can't see
That she doesn't notice you
And you mean the world to me
I'll wait forever
Until you actually do,
You actually realize
The people who love you
The voice of you,
Lingering through the years
Hearing it now
Its like music to my ears.
Every touch from you
Sends a shiver down my spine
No matter how much you do it
It'll happen every time.
My knees go weak
And now I'm aware
That every time we kiss
I forget about air
What do I have to do
To get you to notice me
Jump off a cliff?
Or climb the highest tree?
Anything for your heart
I'm prepared to do
Because I'm serious
When I tell you I love you
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I agree with kirstybree that the first stansa makes the poem a hell of a lot more complicated than a poem of this style should be. I also think some of the lines are a little foolish and have only been used in an attempt to keep with the rhyming. These lines detract from the tone of the poem and make it flow less smoothly.
For example:-
I dislike this section as i dont think the last line sounds right or fits with the imagery of the rest of the poem. I also dont think the second line is too good at keeping with the tone and flow of the poem either.
However I can see that this poem is not meant to be taken too seriously and a lot of it is correct in grammar and spelling and well phrased.
I hope to read more poems from you.
I agree with kirstybree that the first stansa makes the poem a hell of a lot more comlicated than a poem of this style should be. I also think some of the lines are a little foolish and have only been used in an attempt to keep with the rhyming. These lines detract from the tone of the poem and make it flow less smoothly.
For example:-
I dislike this section as i dont think the last line sounds right or fits with the imagery of the rest of the poem. I also dont think the second line is too good at keeping with the tone and flow of the poem either.
However I can see that this poem is not meant to be taken too seriously and a lot of it is correct in grammar and spelling and well phrased.
I hope to read more poems from you.
Hello its me again!
Well again right off the bat PUNCTUATION. I understand it is your right as the poet to write it however you feel fit but I think it will only help your poetry.
This poem is lacking in a bit of focus. From the title I thought this of course would be a love poem, from the first stanza I got the impression this would be a poem about a love triangle and from the rest of the poem it was of unrequited love. I think the first stanza is what was throughing me off but that is just me.
Ok I understand this a personal poem for you so I won't be harsh, but looking at as strictly a work of poetry this needs work. It needs some more flow and imagery to get the reader into the place the speaker is. And at times, especially the last two stanzas, can be a bit overly dramatic and cliche.
I hope I was of some help. Good luck with your poetry.