Falling in love with you felt like the color gold
The taste of warm honey
The sun shining on my face
so bright it blinded me
-
your love was gold-plated
And it faded over time
I don't taste the honey
I don't feel the sun
-
Im not blinded
And yet I can't see what you have done
I'm not blinded
But it's dark and it's cold
I can't seem to get out
-
I fell for the honey trap
the gold caught my eye
-
I fell for the trap
your trap
I miss your gold-plated love
the gold is worn
all I feel is the cold iron left behind
-
it burns my skin
and opens my eyes
I hate that I fell for the gold-turned-iron
I hate that I still love you
even if you're not the gold I was captivated by
(i knIw this isn’t the best work buutt it has been on my mind for a while)
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141,628 Literary Works • 675,279 Reviews
This is really nice! I really enjoyed the lines: "I'm not blinded
And yet I still can't see." I interpreted that this implies falling for something that's not longer what it used to be. Falling for someone that doesn't remain the same is the most disheartening thing of many. This honestly reminds me of flowers too, admiring them when their beautiful and then slowly getting sad and upset as they lose their beauty through the time you have them, this is a really cute poem! -ZK
Hey there
What a lovely poem!!
I love how you attach love with this color of gold. You do such a good job at describing all of these different things in our world that have that positive affiliation with the color. You talk about something being so bright that it blinded you, and this taste of warm honey. Overall, this is a really strong start and I was drawn in right away. It sounds like you were really mesmerized by this person and that they mean a lot to you.
I noticed you wrote 'Im' for the first one and 'I'm' for the second, so maybe that was just a typo. Your poem takes a pretty big twist in the next stanzas. We go from this beautiful gold, to the darkness and being trapped. It sounds like things have really changed with this person and you feel like you're unsure of what to do or how to get out of the situation. You aren't blinded, because you can still see what they are doing, you can't seem to escape.
In the end, we see that this person who you fell for wasn't exactly who you thought they were. They're shiny gold probably caught your attention and made you want to be with them. Once you got to know them, and saw who they really were on the inside, you saw that they were not for you. This is something that brings a lot of emotion for me. It's true, a lot of people are one away on the outside, or they act kind to certain people, but then they can still be really hurtful to you. I love what you did at the end with talking about the burning of your skin and opening of your eyes. I thought it was a really nice touch. The last verse was probably my favorite. overall, I really liked this poem, and I look forward to reading more of your work soon.
Your friend,
Ellie
I really like your work. The lines "I'm not blinded" "But it's dark" "And cold" hit me hard. I know what it's like to not feel love for someone. The only real criticism I can make is that you could have put the "And cold" line next to the "But it's dark." Basically, it would result in the line "But it's dark and cold." But I like it, and I really don't think anything has to be fixed.
I completely agree with you, it would be better that way. thank you for commenting on it!
This is so cute! I love it!