I spit out a careless lie
Feeling only the venom left on my tongue
everything else fading away, I know I can't tell you what is true
Because that truth is so buried even I, can't find
-
The truth that I don't want to think about
you aren't good for me
I'm not good for you
We need to discover who we are, without one another
-
With every lie, I tell
I’m closer to losing myself
Even more when it's you I lie to
Heat is rising from within, scratching at my throat, forcing the words down
-
You say you don't love them
You say you love me
But you won't shut up about them
How did I ever believe such a lie
-
A bitterness rises from my chest
How can you say you don't love them
When they’re all you can think about
I’ve stopped talking to you to protect myself
-
Our love isn’t bittersweet, only bitter
You don't put in effort unless I stop
“I don't see having a future without you”
You say that but there is no emotion beneath your eyes
-
You tell me you love me
I choose to believe you
I choose you over me
But we both know that won't last
-
I want us to work
And I’ve tried to reassemble the pieces once whole
We share responsibility for the broken shards
But you haven’t touched the pieces since they broke
-
Just as I've given up
I see you reach for the broken pieces, but you never actually reattach them
I told you how I felt
And you brought them into it, comparing me to them again
-
“I need a break”
I had hoped that you would understand, but you never will
"I never want to lose you, baby, I love you"
I choose not to believe you
-
it's over and yet you still consume me
my every thought, every action
even the words that I speak
Will I ever get the break I continue to beg for
-
I need space, but you trapped me in a confined room
there's no room for me in your thoughts
no room for me in mine
panic is all that I feel
-
I'm trapped
still, unmoving
even after I ended things with you
I'm still stuck with you, terrified for what was never mine
-
p.s
yk who u are. If you ever see this I still love you but also fuck you for loving them more than me.
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
There is a lot of melodrama here, which is understandable given the rawness of a break up. I think it's definitely going for an incredibly scorned, and hateful tone, evidenced by the emphasis of "I'm", focusing on how you feel as a result of this betrayal. Personally, the work stands on its own merit without the PS at the end. I think, by stanza 4, we do get the picture, and the PS does feel as though you are merely stating the obvious.
Whilst the poem in and of itself is merely descriptive of this painful conversation, and doesn't exactly push the envelope of the heartbroken lover genre, its passion and genuine venom rescues it from mediocrity. I liked it.
hi!! ash here for a little review. okay, first things first. this is a very interesting poem, talking about maybe a cheating partner, or just someone that drifted away from you to someone else, both of which completely suck. you've done a good job portraying the emotions you feel during their leaving, very very nice! okay onto the actual review
as for the narration and story, all is top notch. the narrator's constant lies to themselves starts to eat away at them because they're scared of facing the reality of being alone again. really well done 
i don't have much criticism for the middle, its really solid 
id love to read more 
alright. lets begin at the beginning shall we? okay i really love the italics you used in the second stanza, i see it as the other partner justifying their departure, but im not sure if you meant to italicize the lines that are in quotes too. it doesn't make that much of a difference honestly, the message still gets through clearly, but it would be a little bit of added consistency if that makes sense
okay lets go to middle. i love how desperate the narrator sounds here. "i choose you over me" reminds me too much of something i've done numerous times before and its so perfectly portrayed here. the frustration that your partner isn't doing anything to try to fix the broken relationship is unfortunately relatable
okay onto the ending. the last line is just magnificent. i love that so so much hehe. i really like the way you showed the post-breakup mental state. even though you aren't together, they're still all that you think about and its perfectly shown here. that feeling of being stuck on them and guilty for being stuck is shown so well ugh. no criticism here either, its really well done!
overall, amazing poem. keep it up
love, ash