Published March 10, 2011
A village with no music is empty
The gloom of no known expression is here
Alas a device was found that tempt he
The man celebrated with his lone beer
And so this newfound joy was brought by him
Village ecstatic by this new six string
Soothing sounds made the village swim
With the feeling of music inside their fling
Brought by excitement and into the fire
Rolled the night oblivious to their sin
Up the next and it lay on the pyre
The sounds finally came to a fin
They searched endlessly for tunes to fulfill
No one to blame they mourned the long lost trill
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140,854 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I like the idea you have here and the poem is certainly great; I noted your extensive vocabulary use. Just be careful with the flow and meter in this poem and you'll be fine, also, try to choose words that don't disrupt the transitions in the line and don't make the line sound awkward.
Other than that, I liked it!
Okay i liked this overall. However, the key point in the poem rhyming string with fling, did not work for me as well as I think another rhyme could. This piece is excellent overall, and i love the idea of a 6-string bringing joy (i play it!) and that's why i reviewed this. Also the the last line breaks the flow. It was a few too many syllables. I would revisit those two points again to make it a smash hit in my opinion. But i'm still giving you a "like" because i did like this and the idea makes me smile! great job!