“Wait!” said Cathrine, taking a step in the man’s direction. “You’ll die if you go out there!”
He stopped. “What, I suppose you won’t protect me anymore if I leave you? I should’ve expected as much.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt. It’s just that my power won’t reach that far, because-”
“Yeah, you’re not that powerful. You mentioned. That’s why you won’t bring them back, isn’t it? It’s got nothing to do with principle, you’re just making excuses.”
“No…” Cathrine wrung her hands, “Like I said before, it’s black magic. Anyone can do it, but there’s always a catch.”
“They’re dead. Whatever the price, it can’t be worse than that.” The man paused for a moment. “You said anyone could do it, didn’t you?”
Cathrine’s eyes went wide. “You’re not thinking of trying it yourself, are you?”
“I have to do something. Just tell me how, I’ll pay the price.”
“I...I…” Cathrine bit her lip, “I don’t know how.”
“That’s a lie, you said anyone could do it.”
“Please, just trust me.”
“I don’t give my trust to witches.”
Cathrine closed her eyes and took a shaky breath.
“Listen,” she said, “Even if you were to resurrect them, we still have to break them out of the ice first, and we can’t do that until we set things right in your village.”
“Fine. Do what you have to do, witch. But as soon as they’re thawed, you will tell me how to save them.”
“Stop calling me that, especially if you’re thinking of trying black magic yourself.”
“This is an emergency!”
“Nevermind, we’re wasting time. Let’s just figure this out, okay?”
Cathrine turned and looked the big creature up and down. Her eyes lingered on the axe in its side for a moment.
“I never thought I’d see one of these.” She murmured, “A mother Frost Tulip. Now how was I supposed to go about healing one of these things again…” She reached into her bag and pulled out a large book. She turned to a page containing a large sketch of the creature and read silently for a moment. Then, she set the book on the floor and slowly approached the creature.
“What are you doing?” The man asked
“Please be quiet, you’ll scare her.”
“If you die, what’s gonna stop those things from killing me too?”
“I’ll be fine, I’ve got magic.”
The man opened his mouth to respond, but closed it again. There wasn’t much he could say to that. Cathrine stretched out her hand until it was just inches from the creature’s skin. She began to hum something resembling a lullaby. The glow of the creatures skin grew dimmer with each note. It drifted closer and closer to the ground until it’s little feet brushed against the frozen ground. She took a deep breath; the most dangerous part was yet to come. Gingerly, she touched the very tip of her index finger to it’s skin, and it’s glow went out completely. It drifted to the ground, settling into a great heap of translucent grey flesh.
“I… thought you said you weren’t going to kill it.” The man said
“It’s only asleep. I can’t have it thrashing around when I remove that ax.” She examined her index finger. The tiniest speck of frost stuck to it, but with one shake of her hand it was off.
“Try not to touch it. It can’t do much to me, but it’ll still freeze you if it makes contact with your skin.”
She placed both hands on the ax frozen into the creature’s skin, holding it as close to the skin as she could without touching it. She closed her eyes and just sat there for a moment. The ice under her hands began to melt, dripping onto the floor and promptly refreezing. Once enough had melted, she gave a gentle tug, sliding the ax out of the creature’s skin about an inch. Light blue blood leaked from the wound, but with a quick twitch of the finger the opening closed around the blade of the ax once more, stopping the flow.
She repeated this a few more times until the ax was out completely, and all that remained was a white scar. Then, she snapped her fingers and the creature began to glow softly once more, growing brighter as it floated higher. It was hard to know for sure, but it seemed to shine just a little more brilliantly than before.
“What now?” The man asked, “Will it go away now?”
“I don’t think so.” Cathrine picked her book up from the floor. “According to this book, the only reason a Queen Frost Tulip leaves it’s nest is if it is displaced somehow. Then it finds the closest enclosed space it can and nests there.”
“Wait, what the heck is a Frost Tulip?”
“That’s what they call these creatures. This big one is the queen and the rest are her workers.”
“I don’t care what it’s called, I just want it gone. If we displace it, it goes away and takes all it’s creepy little children somewhere else, and we never have to think about this again.”
“That’s… probably not a good idea. It might go to another village and hurt even more people, or wind up getting killed itself.”
“We can’t just leave it here, people live in this village!”
“We don’t have to leave it here. We just have to find it’s old home and fix it. Then it’ll go back on it’s own.”
“Just how long is this gonna take anyways?”
“If it’s old nest is close, we can do it in two or three days.”
“I thought this’d be over by sundown!”
“I’m sorry. I can do it alone if you don’t want to come.”
The man was quiet for a moment.
“No, I’ll come.” He sighed, “Someone has to make sure you don’t make things even worse with your magic.”
“Thanks.”
“How do we find this nest?”
“I think we can follow one of the Tulips to it. It’ll only take a little persuasion.”
“These things can’t talk.”
“They’ll listen to me. Probably. I should probably do this outside.”
She walked out the door into the frozen village without waiting for the man and stretched out her hand, palm up. It only took a moment for one of the Tulips to alight upon it. Cupping the creature in her hands, she brought it close to her lips and whispered something. The man only watched, shaking his head.
“More magic?”
She ignored him. The Tulip leaped out of her hand and began drifting towards the other side of the square.
“Come on,” She said, “We need to follow that tulip.”
*
To Be Continued...
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
I am really hooked on to this story. There is one small mistake that I noticed, when Catherine says "They'll listen to me. Probably. I should probably do this outside." You dont need the second 'probably'. Consider writing this diolage like this "They'll listen to me. Probably. I should do this outside." Other than that, it was terrific. And I cant wait to hear, or read that is, the rest of the story.
Thanks for pointing that out, I'll fix that once I start the revisions process.
no problem
Hello again!
I'm really liking this story, it's a nice continuation of the last part, and like I said before I really have a sense of the characters. I don't have any thing to say, except I hope you post the next chapter soon!
-Gnomish
Thank you for the kind words, they are much appreciated!
Suggested Revisions:
Original: "Now how was I supposed to go about healing one of these things again…”
needs a comma to be grammatically correct. also people don't usually phrase it this way when talking to themselves, at least in my experience. you could also leave this out altogether, and the message would still be delivered by the fact she needs to look it up in her book
Revised Example #1 : "Now, how was I supposed to go about healing one of these again..."
Revised Example #2 : "This isn't something I need to do often, I'll need to look it up..."
Original: "She reached into her bag and pulled out a large book. She turned to a page containing a large sketch of the creature and read silently for a moment. Then, she set the book on the floor and slowly approached the creature."
I would suggest more colorful words and structure if you want to do that. the sentence structure seems a bit repetitive to me
Revised Example: "Reaching into her bag, she fumbled until her fingers closed around a large book. She pulled it out and began flipping through the pages, until she reached a page scrawled with writing around a sketch of the Frost Tulip. Sliding it onto the floor, she began to slowly approach the creature."
Original: "The man opened his mouth to respond, but closed it again. There wasn’t much he could say to that."
this part isn't needed, we already understand the effect of her words prior
Original: "The ice under her hands began to melt, dripping onto the floor and promptly refreezing."
"promptly" is a bit jarring and isn't needed. also "refreezing" could be swapped out for a more vivid description if desired
Revised Example: "The ice under her hands began to melt, dripping onto the floor and frosting over."
Original: "She repeated this a few more times until the ax was out completely, and all that remained was a white scar."
this sounds more like a description in a recipe than in creative writing. imagery and sensory details helps the reader visualize more clearly
Revised Example: "With each flush of heat from her hands, the axe slid out a little farther, until it clattered onto the ground. All that remained was a white scar."
Original: "Wait, what the heck is a Frost Tulip?"
this phrasing sounds quite out of character for an adult warrior, it would do a bit better without the surprised garnishes
Revised Example: "What's a Frost Tulip?"
Anyways, cool! Looking forward to what happens next
Thanks for the suggestions, it's nice to have a second opinion when it comes to revisions. Will keep this in mind when I go back to revise this after the first draft is finished.
no problem!