Breath of a Breeze

Hello!

I like how this touches unique perspectives of how wonderful the world can be. Instead of drastic and chaotic events happening on the regular, the world is still fantastic in the smallest acts of nature. Despite being apparently quiet and uneventful, there are still beautiful things happening around you.

The first stanza has some really awesome imagery that I just really love. It lists these fantastic and awesome events that nature can reproduce at a moment's notice while saying how they don't happen often enough. The speaker is left wanting more out of what the world provides. I think the sentence structure of this stanza weakens it a little bit, I have to admit. I've read this several times to figure out what I was stumbling over, and it's how it starts with "Wishing for" and then proceeds to list things. Some rephrasing to avoid this clunky structure would probably help it and even increase the impact of such fantastic imagery.

This odd phrasing comes into play later, and I think it tries too hard to make sentences out of lines that don't need to be sentences, but even those sentences aren't complete. It just adds words that probably aren't necessary.

In the third stanza, it does the exact same thing. You have this AMAZING imagery, plus a clever use of alliteration to support it, but the last line leaves me wondering what I just read. Comes an abundance of what? Apples? Natural events? Perhaps referring to an emotion opposite disappointment would be more effective. It WOULD be fun to see more emotional reference here, describing the feelings in a way that makes the reader feel the same. But that could change some of the feel your going for, too. Right now, it reads like a nature documentary, where you're watching nature at an increased speed.

So you have a strong start here! Like I've been saying, you have an incredible message here with such strong imagery. I would simply suggest looking at some of the phrasing so it makes a little more sense, perhaps tweak some wording to ensure every word there is necessary and makes sense where it is. A lovely picture!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

I love the world's natural beauty and mystery described in this poem. The minute humanity thinks there's nothing more to discover about the earth, another phenomenon occurs. And then we're back to being stunned. I especially love the last three lines. ^^
The world still has so much to offer.

Hey jster02!
Stellar Jay here for a quick review. I had a hard time following along. Your stanzas and the breaks in between were fine. But I definitely had to read through it twice to figure out what it was about. From what I found it was about the world being a troubled place which is on fire. The next stanza is also about our world but about how it is also lonely and seemingly boring. But then things change, a sense of mystery enters. And then the poem ends in the world being more interesting and filled with wonders just waiting for us to find. That's all I really got from this poem. I feel like you could've added a story line to it or even just made it longer. If you added some more context to the story that could really help. I would add in some more stanzas explaining what it was like and why it was like that. But that's all that I would change.

I hope you keep writing more poems!

- Stellar Jay