Yorick

A modern man, named Yorick, had no childhood. He grew up past his younger years, but not in the same fashion that he saw from others. Like a bad batch of apples, he did not get to experience the fruits of regret and heartbreak that makes life a lesson.

The jester-acting within this belief, however, only came from the realization that he was not alone in this fear. Most people, like him, have felt the same strange emotion of isolation now-and-then during their own bouts of depression. If anything, he was more optimistic than those who he knew - and more mature at times, although only told to him, than what other adults expected. However, perhaps that knowledge was what had cursed him to life.

When HE was growing him, Yorick was led to believe that the future was to fall right into place. Fed like a hog, Yorick was told he would eventually experience the good things in life because it was deserved, and it was right. In one specific case, Yorick was told that he and his mother would be moving to a different place far away from the troubles of family and academics; as if a closet into Narnia had opened, Yorick would soon be able to have a life to himself.

As he waited, Yorick slowly let the small things pass him by. He compared himself to his mother, and her own missed times, and believed that to be fine - but to not take advantage of what may be, because of what was, was the biggest mistake that he could have ever made.

In the meantime, Yorick kept himself occupied with the devices of today. He would be more focused upon the situations of then, rather than what was happening around him. It was like a second world, and a second language, to his mind - and since he had known it since his small adolescence, he did not give it much thought. As a consequence, however, his education dwindled.

All of this accumulated to the parking lot of a fast food restaurant; where HE - man of promises - vanished into the misty wires. Not of just money, but rather time, was taken away from him. His childhood - which seemed to be of his mistake - was both realized, and ripped away. The thoughts of "maybe"s and "someday"'s turned into the abyss of "never"s. Yorick became the sole consoler of his mother; but at the same time, the crutch that made her keep working.

Yorick believed that he could fight this with time; and in some capacity, he did. "Later is better than never;" and while he remained scared, he continued to achieve the things he never knew he could do. But still - there was no machine to turn back the forces of time; so now, he was left with the husk of childhood.

In some way, Yorick was not alone in the way he viewed childhood. But evermore, he had to live with those thoughts of dread. He believed himself to be a scholar, but could not form the vocabulary necessary to make them fighting words. He believed himself to be a musician, but could not lecture himself past his own doodles. He believed himself to be a creative, but not in the way that made him feel special.

His methods of expression started to feel mundane, as he continued to remember the could-haves of his past. He understood that the mistakes of time could only be complimented with the now - rather than from the flick of an eraser - but still, the disgust of his life came upon endless waves.

Intertwined with ego and small addictions; he kept telling himself that, if he had done things differently, he would have never became the man he is today.

However, that may have been what he wanted. Perhaps, it would have been better! Maybe this butterfly effect could have led to a different life, where he could still hear the sizzling of his grandfather's sausage and eggs as 'Oh Great Thou Art' acted like his alarm-clock. Perhaps, it would have led to a greater retelling of the 'Star Wars' Trilogy by his father, complimented by his large and dedicated list of collectable action figures. Almost certainly, this life would have made him less angry at himself - for not doing the things he should have never done.

Yet, he knew those were only dreams. Like his childhood, he can not take back his mistakes. If Yorick never made them to begin with, how would he had known not to do them? Perhaps, his failings as-is was the best case scenario?

Yorick does not know. And now, he was forced to think about what to do next. Time marches on regardless of if he wanted it to or not; and time will only provide him with another second if both he, and the lord, believes in himself.

One day, like his name - and if he is lucky - he hopes to be the skull that another will reminisce and hold onto. And somehow, in spite of all of his troubles, he hopes that that will be enough.