dreams of my memories gone by

You know what, Josh... poetry is not my strong point, at all ( I always want to correct grammar )! So I'm not going to attempt a review. But I enjoyed it. Which is rare for me... with poetry. This piece was short and sweet, strait to the point, and I felt like you said everything you wanted to. Which is good! Sometimes it feels like writers don't say what they mean, what they want. But not you. You nailed it, as far as I'm concerned!

See you around!

-Socks

Hey, Joshua! Here as promised!

The poem engaged all of my senses. The imagery was elaborate, but it didn't swallow the meaning. You left room open for interpretation, turning a craft into an art. And so it all proceeds into music, a wonderful rhythm and an equally wonderful meaning, the latter of which isn't concealed, but wrapped in layers.

The memory bank is the least well-guarded of the consciousness's structures. It's constantly robbed, constantly broken into, its contents constantly reshuffled, like a deck of cards. Sounds and scents fuse; sights and emotions twine. Emotions. They're stored in drives, and constantly go into overload.

You've captured this magnificently. Sometimes, with an overloaded emotion drive, you can't distinguish wishes from reality, dreams from life. Your memories also start slipping into your dreams, heightening the chaos.

If I were to find one fault with this, it'd be the punctuation. It's an obstacle in the path my gaze treads. The spaces before the commas also qualify as grammatically incorrect, and thus draw the reader's attention. I'd recommend just removing punctuation altogether.

One more thing:

to hug her , but she was getting farther away every time I tried ,

Hey! XD

So, I assume the omission of capital letters at the start of each line here is deliberate?
Because you have done it consistently, I think that is so. It doesn't really add anything apart from continuity, but just a suggestion of something you might want to edit?

I like the topic of the work, it certainly seems very personal and you have a good title. The repetition of 'memories' at the end of the poem works perfectly too, at reinforcing your point.

Me likey.

Overall, this work is quite short, but conveys your meaning well.
It feels like there is true characterisation here and I like that, because it makes my reading experience personal. Well done. A lovely work.

Hey Joshua! Welcome to YWS! Alex here to review your poem!
I actually really loved this poem! You used some very powerful imagery and concepts in this! You opened it up real well! Those two lines really painted a powerful picture of this girls eyes.
I love how you used the phrase, " go to hold her hand ,

to hug her , but she was getting farther away every time I tried"
This was a really interesting way of saying that memories will always escape you and will never satisfy forever.
Finally I also loved how you ended it, "memories I can never forget". Showing that memories will forever haunt, make you smile or even cry.
The concept and all was pretty sound and your imagery was perfect! I did notice a few mistakes grammatically though such as having no capitals in your poem. Technically you should have one at the start of every line in a poem but most choose just after full stops.
Speaking of punctuation in some cases you could have used a full stop or period instead of a comma. One place for example was:

to hug her , but she was getting farther away every time I tried ,

it started to get dull , she started to look away

SO. Welcome to YWS! I hope you love it here, I know I do! If you have any questions, you can ask an admin, or me... or anybody, really. I think we're all equally insane around here.

Why was I... I yeah, I was reviewing. OK. Here goes:

I like how simple and yet descriptive you were in this. You were able to express a lot of emotion in a few words, and that is a difficult thing to learn. I do have a few nitpicks, though:

There were no capitalizations; not at the beginnings of lines, not in the title, not at all. I think that the reason you had this problem was because the entire poem was one long run-on. I think you meant to put sentence breaks in there, but they all came out as commas. It's a common mistake, when you're focused on writing, to forget small things like punctuation. They are important, though, as they indicate pauses, breaks, and complete thoughts. It will greatly improve the flow of this poem to add periods in the proper places. It is, however, just a suggestion, since I know that some people make stylistic choices. That's the wonderful thing about being a writer; you can do whatever you want with the words you choose.

So great overall job, and as always, keep writing

Hey Josh Shauzer here reviewing
I don't usually do poems so really you shouldn't think anything of my review, good or bad. I didn't mind this, though. It was personal, sad, and although some of the things could have been worded better I think you did an alright job for your first piece.
First of all, there is the thing about the capital letters, yep. You need to use them I think you could have replaced some of those commas with full stops, particularly the one here: 'but she gets farther away every time I tried ,' Also, don't put spaces in between letters and commas. You should probably take some more time reading back over it too as some of this doesn't flow quite as well as the rest. I think instead of 'but she was getting farther away every time I tried' you might have said 'but she got farther away every time I tried' It just flows better. And split up some of the longer sentences, it'll space the poem out and read easier. And when you say 'I jumped for her just to reach her', it doesn't sound well. Maybe put a comma in between her and just. Space out your work more.
On the brighter side, I liked the idea behind it, there's not enough haunting pieces on YWS, at least I don't come across enough. All in all it was okay... the best advice I could give is for you to read back through it, pretend you're a reader and make sure the lines break in the right places. Make sure the flow is smooth and constant, welcome to YWS.
Keep writing,
Yours in ink,
TS.

Hello there!

This was rather lovely, but a few tweaks could be made.

-First of all, make sure that all of your lines begin with a capital letter
-when writing poetry comas and periods and such aren't a necessity
-At the beginning of the poem you are using past-tense, then when you say "I go to hold her hand," that is bringing the poem into present-tense. Try to make sure you catch those things in the future So instead of saying that you could have said "I went to hold her hand," which would make it past-tense.
- To keep the poem in a steady, stable format you could have kept some of the lines shorter. For example: "to hug her , but she was getting farther away every time I tried ," you could have made this line into two instead of one. It would give the poem an organized feel.
-"but then I awoke from my sleep ,

then started to realize they were all just memories," the use of 'then' gives these two lines a sort of "forced" effect, maybe try another starter word for the second line.

I really do like this poem by the way, keep going at it!

Toodles!

Hey

This is the longest sentence I have ever read. I think you need to separate some of this with a period. If it's a deliberate feature, then that's fine, but it doesn't quite work. A good place would be after your first three lines. So it would read

'she gazed up at me,
her smile to beautiful.
I got to hold her hand,
etc etc etc.'

OR you could do this

'she gazed up at me,
her smile so beautiful,
and I got to hold her hand,
to hug her, but she was getting farther away every time I tried.'

Or you could do neither, and do it a completely different way, but I feel like it does need to be better punctuated.

Also, there is a bit here at the end that sounds awkward.

'but then I awoke from my sleep ,
then started to realize they were all just memories,'

The repetition of 'then' doesn't read very well. My suggestion would be something like

'but then I awoke from my sleep,
and started to realize that they were all just memories,
memories I can never forget'

The rhythm is improved, and I think it sounds more...final?

It's really nice, it's sad, but in a really beautiful way. It's appropriately short, I think you've expressed all you needed to, and you did it without messing the read about. You said all you needed to say to let us fill in the parts you didn't say. I guess that I mean that the things you didn't say spoke volumes. It's good. Really good. You better keep writing, or I'm going to be after you.