the dinosaur explored the forest with killing every one with his smelly breath. every one was terrified of the breath it self. the breath was to bring every one to its doom. the dinosaur smiled and opened his mouth and there was an explosion. the dinosaur talked to the females and they melted when they smelt his breath. the dinosaur was sad he couldnt rinse his mouth because everything around ran away. he then decided to never speak but the breath still killed people. in the end the breath commits suicide and he now smells good and every one wants to be his freind
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Alright, well I don't know if this is some kind of joke or something, but I'm just going to give it to you straight. You need to step it up.
You have 11 works, all almost exactly like this. That's more then I have! You have 11 works, and no reviews, and even though you've gotten some good advice on what to do to make your stories readable, you choose to ignore all of it. No one's trying to be mean, they're trying to help, and if you're not going to listen, they can spend time on people who really appreciate it and take the advice to heart.
A story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. It has details and conflict, and that's what makes it worth it to read.
So please, read over the other reviews and try taking them seriously.
Good luck!
~Hope
I found this strange too. I also don't like that in such a short piece, you forgot to put capitals.
Was the target audience kids? Because even if it was you need to add more.
I really don't like this, you should have expanded this a bit more.
There are some good points, it's an alright story line and some audiences would like it. I think if you make the story longer, add in dialogue, paragraphs ect. This could make a good story.
Hope I helped!
~Tamara
I found this very strange. It was not my cup of tea in any way. You also forgot your capital letters. So, the review:
Again, I don't like this at all. I don't think there is actually a story here, but that is just the way I see it. It's not average, I'll give you that.
Ofir