the eye drank too much and fell on a pile of turd. every one laughed at the eye. then a car ran everyone over. a whale commited suicide when he saw the eye. the eye had facial acne but then eventualy acne became handicapped. the eye started to smile then the earth erupted. the eye adopted a child. he had a happilly ever after story with the child he raised him well. the child then after burned down the house. the end
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
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Well.
I think that if you spruced it up a little, it could be... better. However, I do think you should think about what you're putting into this site, where there are pieces that are better than some published work. If you thought this was a site to just slack off in, you're dead wrong. If you're going to post your work, at least make an effort to make it make some sense.
Hey Jorge.
Browsing through your portfolio I think you may want to start taking your writing more seriously, or invest in a blog. A blog is a great place to throw things like this without wasting other people's time.
This is short, and it seems a little more random than creative, like it's a bunch of ideas stuck together instead of a contemplated story.
Use capital letters, and correct grammar.
Read through to edit out silly mistakes. In a piece this short, that shouldn't be too hard.