Young Writers Society

I'm crying
Thank you
That was beautiful

This was so straightforward and raw it brought tears to my eyes immediately. I'm honestly not really sure how to review this. I suppose you don't need to say, "her second face," cause we know, as well as saying face too many times too close to eachother can get redundant. How about also saying, "But when she gets home, in her room it all slips away.."?

"She's falling to the ground, Singin..." That's a really potent line. Singing is often all we have that will keep us strong. He sings over us also, with a Loud Voice.

The bridge is also quite appropriate: the world will never know repeated. No one ever will know the full extent of the struggles we daily face inside. That's why God's all that can really help anyway, cause He's the only one that knows, and the Only One with strength, and ultimately paradise to envelop us and wash all of it away. Every person in this world goes through much pain, not for anything they've done, but just because that's the Story. Won't be lonely when it's over, He's sworn it to us, won't be lonely for the lives feeding in His Hand. The peace is the Promise itself.

I have to say, I felt much more than the content of your actual song. Affliction producing patience, patience experience, and experience understanding and more reason of Hope

Hiii, jordyn.
I'm not much of a reviewer of lyrics - I've actually only done it once - so just bear with me. We'll get through this.

First off, I love the idea of this. It's just beautiful. I know I may be slightly biased because I believe in God, but this song really touched my heart. The chorus is just phenomenal. I loved it. Not only may this feel relatable but it's true! Thanks for sharing this with us. <3

Moving on...
I don't like the first verse. It makes sense and I completely understand what you're implying. Buuut... some phrases or certain words you used sounded awkward. For example:

The girl with the happy smile
Is hurting so bad on the inside
Everyday she puts on her face
Her second face
Not a face of backstabbing and jealousy(?)
But a face of happiness

She's falling to the ground
Singin
God why me

First of all, nicely done. Very nice. I have a suggestion or two, you may do with them what you wish.

The words singing is spelling wrong every time you write it (you wrote singin) simple error and an easy fix.

Also, id like to point out that Every time you get to the part of "Be Still And Find Peace In Me" you need to put them all on the same line every time. In the fourth stanza you stuck the "In Me" further down. It makes more sense if you do them all the same way.

The second stanza keys and is written very well- it is my favorite.

I'm not crazy about the first stanza as much though, I get the point loud and clear, but it doesn't seem to flow as well as some of the others.

Some punctuation at the ends of lines would help to phrase it nicely. It helps the reader understand exactly what you are saying the first time they read it. Ex.

God why me,
What did I do to get this?

I think that will add a nice touch and a finishing professional look to it.

Don't be desicourage by that load of comments, you can do with them whatever you want. Overall I really really enjoyed this and I see your message very clearly. Keep writing!