In the back woods of my mind, it still feels like it was just yesterday when we were still friends. If...you can call what we had "friendship" that is. Now, as the first days melted into weeks, blooming in months and still progressing on. I still miss you.
What does it matter at this point what I think of you?
What I felt couldn't have been that great, could it?
Or, was it something else?
Was I on the banks of a fast river?
Was I merley holding on to you like the last leaf clings to it's mother tree?
Where else was I to go?
Where else were we to go?
Certainly not back into the corners, where we have tried so desperetly to forget. Our history books are curupted with our memories' politicians, mixed by the stirings of our mothers.
Oh, darling!
You empty trash bin of a women!
I let you crush me like the deep oceans!
Hearltess artist who sold her soul for pride!
The injustices you have done could bring tears to Stalin.
Cigerettes and reefer nails, golden bottles of father's cure.
Who are you to show your self like this?
Talk your mouth and sway your hips, get everyone on board.
Take em all over the cliff!
Drunken harpie amazonian!
spoiled girl of a brat!
Sleep well tonight my love, sweet thoughts for you.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
this was really good
Hi there, here's what I got to say for you:
First day is just fine,
I think it may help if you revise the questions so it would not sound incoherent, they do not seem to clarify what you mean on the first part, making it vague
This is merely not merley right?
They are suppose to be desperately and corrupted, and stirings could be strings or stirrings, but I would recommend changing them to something else like hands, palms, etc.
Who and why are you cursing? They seemed so random, so the reader may get confused as well as to what is or are the thoughts you are trying to impart to us.
All in all, this is interesting; I want to dig further to see the origin of the anger and frustrations expressed and I am looking forward if you would revise it. Making it a little longer may help so you would be able to express what you feel better and make the readers feel the anger and frustrations you want to show.
I bit of an awkward sentence... try rearranging the wording a little.
Um... you spelled "merely" wrong. Also, this is way too many questions; try deleting one or two, just so you are not babbling.
It's "heartless", dear, not "hearltess" ...
Also, I have no idea who "Stalin" is, but I like the use of it... I get the gist of what you mean. Nice work!
Hmm... angry, much? I'm sorry, it's just, I like how you put good emotion into this and all, but I would do that in a different way other than name-calling. It feels like you are telling us how you feel, not showing. Use some figurative language, personification, make it really interesting for us!
Good job. Like I said, I liked the emotion you put into this.