"Broken Heart"

I only have one suggestion (Since everyone else covered pretty much everything); I would've spaced it, like this:

Trying so hard to rise above
,
Trying to please my wonderful love,

Even though i tried and tried

Things didn't work out right;

i knew my love wasn't going to stay,

So i finally let him slip away,

By loosing that love in the month of may,

My desires for love started to fade away,

By loosing that love that was about to start,

I was left alone with a "broken heart"

It's just a personnel preference, it didn't mess up your poem or anything, I really liked it

keep up the good work!

w&w

Hi, I'm Alliyah here to review your poem!

First off I didn't see any spelling mistakes, so good job with that. I would suggest capitalizing the word "I" every time, and also captialize the word "may". Maybe should have a period instead of a comma after "may" as well. Another thing you should consider is being too repetitive in your words, you use the phrases "slip away" and "fade away" which are very similar and your using the word "away" two times for your end rhymes. Some other repetitive words you used were love, loosing, and start/started, also trying (used twice in a row), and tried (same word as trying basically, used twice).

I agree with firepen that it doesn't add to the poem to put "broken heart" in quotes. You should possiblly go back to the poem and make sure every word, and line counts in the poem, so it can be more poetic. Example: "the month of may" rhymes but it doesn't really add anything to it to fix this you could describe "may" differantly than just saying "the month", also in the secound line "wonderful" is acting as a dead adjective it doesn't say anything about the love really, and we don't gain any extra insite into this love.

Overall this is a nice short poem, but you can still add more to it. I look forward to reading more of your work, keep writing! Have a great day!

~Alli-wa~

This is a good poem.It is written well and its not long witch is a change from some poems witch go into detail about this kind of stuff and is quite necessary but you managed to pull it of quite well with very few words as poems go.

You have done well and hope the rest of your writings on this earth will be just as good.

Keep calm and carry on.The candyman

Also sorry I have to put this on twice but I forgot to tick the review box.

Sorry

This is a good poem.It is written well and its not long witch is a change from some poems witch go into detail about this kind of stuff and is quite necessary but you managed to pull it of quite well with very few words as poems go.

You have done well and hope the rest of your writings on this earth will be just as good.

Keep calm and carry on.The candyman

It's a short poem! I like it though, it rhymes very well. There are a few errors like 'i' instead of 'I'. Also, at the end I don't think that you should have put broken heart in speech marks, I think it makes it stick out of the poem a little but which is slightly odd. I think it has a very strong meaning and I definitely think you should keep writing poetry, I would like to read more!