Everyday I Hear of some one dying,
for once i would like to hear of new like,
why does the news have to be about pain and suffering,
the goverment has you on lockdown,
Like a ring stuck on a fat finger,
More money in entertainment than education,
The world is in pain,
it doesn't need us but it keeps us,
We continue to destroy trees,
each animal has a purpouse,
but we have none,
the world gets filled with bloody streets,
cannot bare it for it destroys familys,
Nobody can escape the wrath of ourselves,
we kill each other yet we cage animals,
why cage animals when we should cage our selfs,
When were the true animals,
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
WoW......
THAT was SOOOo True.
You need some periods and question marks.
Not only comas.
Good structure. Well done in many wayz.
LORD ANZIUS WUZ HERE
firstly, this is a very good topic to write about. it is true, many things on the news are about the negatives in life. Unfortunately, they appear to be dominant.
I have a few suggestions which i hope will help you...
Firstly, a few spelling ' punctuaton points...
1) 2nd line, i think you mean life not like.
2) you are also missing a few punctuation marks, have a quick skim read and make sure they are in the correct places
3) a comma is need after the word 'but' in this section : 'it doesn't need us, but it keeps us,' i have added one into the sentence.
i think that perhaps you need to end on a stronger point; though the environment is a really serious matter, i think you need to refer back to the pain of not only animals, but people too. this way, more of an impact will remain with the reader
i hope you didnt read those points as though i didnt like it. because i really did. i think that it has potential, therefore, i hope you can take on board what i have said.
hope i have helped.
good work! keep writing!
should be purpose
should be families
should have a question mark at the end, and should be ourselves
it sounds as if it hasn't finished yet. Is there any more...?