Rest in pieces.
I've always wondered what it was like for my mom when my dad died. But then again I don't think she cared too much. She always talked about how my dad was a piece of shit and how he abused her but I think she might be leaving a few things out. Such as he wasn't the only one in the wrong when the fights happened. Still even to this day she hates my father for one reason or another. Hell if she had it her way she would have skipped out on him sooner than she did. But because of her own reasons she didn't and I was born because of that. Once I was born the whole world changed for my mom. She got meaner and started drinking more than before. As I got older she got worse. Now she blames me for it all, the drugs, the alcohol, and the abusive men. In finally told her the other day that I was leaving and I wasn't coming back, she laughed. Then I showed her my transfer papers, she cried. She looked at me and said that I shouldn't go that I need to stay to help her. At the age of thirty-five I knew I wanted to see the world before I got too old trying to take care of her every time she claimed to be "sick". The day I showed her my transfer papers from work I went home and started packing my bags for Japan. I was so ready to live out the rest of my life the way I wanted. I went to the airport picked up my ticket and got on the plain. We took off and all I could think was I was free from her ridicule for once.
She got up that next morning and started watching the news only to see my plane went down half way to its destination.
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141,413 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
Hello! I really liked your piece, I found it conveyed a lot in a little bit of time. However, it needs a fair bit of cleaning up.
I think if you broke it up so it wasn't just one big mass it would be easier to read and seem less daunting of a task. For example:
"Rest in pieces.
I've always wondered what it was like for my mom when my dad died, but then again I don't think she cared too much. She always talked about how my dad was a piece of shit and how he abused her, but I think she might be leaving a few things out, such as the fact that he wasn't the only one in the wrong when the fights happened. Still, even to this day she hates my father for one reason or another.
Hell, if she'd had it her way she would have skipped out on him even sooner than she did."
I also cleaned up the woord choice and grammar a little bit.
Hope this helps! If you have any questions feel free to PM me!
Keep writing!
--Storm
You did a really good job cramming a lot of story into a small word count, but I feel that in this instance it may have worked to your disadvantage. It takes place over such a long period of time, yet it seems very, very quick. It goes from the death of the father, to mostly about the faults of the mother, to the death of the narrarator. I think some expansion would do it some good. (Unrelated side note: I am practically re-gifting this advice, as it was just given to me on something I had written. This is a bit of a pot and kettle situation.)
Now to get down to specifics:
You could probably add some commas in a few places. After "But then again", "abused her", "Even to this day" (I also suggest taking out "still" here. It seems unnecessary.), "Hell", "I shouldn't go" (And maybe write needed instead of need.), and in the list "went to the airport picked up my ticket and got on the plain (The correct spelling is plane.).
Also, consider changing then to when or taking out the comma and inserting the word and in the sentence, "Then I showed her my transfer papers, she cried."
Overall, I thought this was great but could be even better. Keep writing!
(I also apologize if this is a bit confusing to read, format wise. I'm not very good at this)