Published June 28, 2011
Leaning in slowly, careful not to smear her make-up,
I gently place my lips upon hers, becoming lost in time.
Unaware of all around me, I am placed in a kind of trance,
A deep reminder of my hearts content, a solace of time.
Her arms wrapped around me, and mine hers,
I am declined to let go, to lose something dear.
Completely apprised of her oddity and zeal,
I am yet again placed in this inevitable trance.
Laying still, her body next to mine, I close my eyes,
Savoring every second I’m with her.
Lost in time, I find myself once more,
Oblivious to the world, captured by love.
As I begin to stop and think about our relationship,
I realize that love is very stressful…But with her,
It all seems so natural, like it’s meant to be.
And without it, I’d be lost like I was before.
Love, without her, would be like a bloomless spring.
Love, without her, would be like a snow-less winter.
Love, without her, would be like a cold summer.
Love, without her, would be like a fall without leaves.
Love, without her, couldn’t ever be the same.
It would be meaningless, like it didn’t exist.
Love, without her, is unthinkable.
Because without her, I wouldn’t want to love…
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138,317 Literary Works • 672,102 Reviews
Even though the rhyming can do with some work, I liked your poem very much.
The part on the end where you started every sentence with- "love, without her" was moving and pretty.
I, personally, don't connect very well with your poem- But that's due to my beliefs and such, and have nothing to do with your work.
So- a bit of work on rhyming and weight will really improve your works, but aside for that, it's remarkable.
Don't give up on your style, and keep writing.
Hmm you seem like a nice guy. I liked this... It was sweet, beautiful, and touching. The similies were amazing. Even though some of the poem was repetive, it proved that you really loved her. I could feel your emotion. I think the beginning flows well, but then you start using larger words that make the simple-ness of the beginning collide. Other than that, I liked it. It was very well written.
Best wishes,
Nessa
I would just like to say really quick that this poem completely sums up the way I feel about my girlfriend. Thank you for writing it. It reminded me of how I feel.