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Today I lost a Friend

by jimss23


Today I lost a friend,

And I never said goodbye.

No words will ever speak again,

We will never meet eye to eye.

.

So fleeting was our friendship,

Only a summer did it last.

Yet I felt I knew her all my life,

We grew close so fast.

.

I worry about her every day,

How will her life turn out?

But she will thrive without me there,

Of that, I have no doubt.

.

Her past was full of hardship,

She struggled against her mind.

I tried to keep her on the path,

Hoping a better life she would find.

.

Today I lost a friend.

We both did not want it to end.

But things have come between us,

And we will never meet again....


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25 Reviews


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Tue Sep 26, 2017 11:41 am
vetas wrote a review...



Hey there!

Such a sad poem and at the same time touching. Sadly, friends come and go..

I like the part where you would help her on her path. As friends, we always help each other out. I am often times in need of help and I am so thankful for my friends.

Thank you for writing this poem. Keep writing!

Have a great day my friend.




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Thu Sep 21, 2017 6:36 pm
CorvusQueen says...



Corvus Queen stopping by to say this poem is lovely




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Thu Sep 14, 2017 9:51 am
Carlymillie wrote a review...



***Today I lost a friend,
And I never said goodbye.
No words will ever speak again,
We will never meet eye to eye.***

I like the simple but strong content of the poem. and this verse, I love so much. it's a clear message and anyone can connect with it. But like the reviewer befor e stated, it would have been more captivating , with a one or two literary devices thrown here and there and incorporated properly.

**** Today I lost a friend.
We both did not want it to end.
But things have come between us,
And we will never meet again....****

This last verse I really have nothing to say about. I think it was the perfect way to end such a soul touching Poem.

***Carly****




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Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:04 am
gabrielafortes wrote a review...



Honestly the poem is really good and very touching. Clearly this friend meant a lot to you and I'm sure you meant a lot to them. There are only a few things I had to say about it, and mainly they are stylistic.

Punctuation is super important to express the importance of certain lines and create a pause in the story, so maybe think about not using punctuation after every line to make specific ones stand out and have more impact.

I agree that you should have more imagery or literary devices, the bluntness of the poem keeps it very real, but I feel the emotion would have come through better had you used more flare.

And trust me, she misses you too.




jimss23 says...


Thanks! I'll work on it!
Though TBH rhyming is about all I'm good at. So we will see.





I highly doubt it is all you are good at, and poetry is all about breaking rules and pushing barriers, so you should go for it sometime.



jimss23 says...


Will do!



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Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:44 am
KiraThePotatoChip wrote a review...



A powerful piece indeed. Kira, stopping here for a review. Can't really say I've lost anyone like this, but the poem does indeed give a good emotional impact. In terms of grammar, I can see nothing to complain about. My biggest complaint in general would be that the poem is really much too short to convey a stronger impact upon the reader, it gives them more questions than answers.

Why did the friendship end, who caused it to do so, what is the path of the friend now, why will they thrive without you and so on. If you don't intend to answer these questions it would be a good idea to add more content to the poem. As someone has mentioned below, the poem feels like a big block of text, so spacing could be a bit better. While the poem is good at giving a average emotional impact, it could be pushed farther. Include the sadness you feel, the raw emotion that you feel around the situation.

Overall this poem is quite good. I'd love to see it at its best, but that can only happen if you feel it neseccary. I hope I haven't rambled on too much for you, so until the next one!




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Tue Sep 12, 2017 9:20 pm
Wriskypump wrote a review...



Man, this is really sad. It reminds me of some things about my life. I'm gonna see if I can give you any good suggestions to improve your ideas about future writing, cause this one is pretty good, and frankly I'd have to say nothing is wrong with it except that it could be called a little bit plain. But the message is clear and that's all that really matters; still it could be more poignant.

You could use metaphors or symbolism. You could reveal some specific instances, and embroider the piece a little bit. This is poetry, and it can be fancy and flashy! When I read this it goes together in couplets (which if you don't know what that is, it is pairs of two lines repeated in pattern). You see how you used "fleeting" there near the beginning: that is what you could employ more of. Words that really feel. And yet, bc this is an experience so common to many living around the globe the simplistic way you bring the topic presented to us is stellar still.

But you see, you could have gone more in depth to tell us for example, like what was on her mind that she struggled with maybe?? What are some things you both liked; what was a real good time you had together? Rope us in with some imagery!

That's all I got for ya! ~ Keep wrisking




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Tue Sep 12, 2017 2:39 pm
kathryn9613 says...



Wow, this is really lovely, your poem flows so well. Your poem is the first one I've seen (I just joined the site) and it's honestly so amazing.




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Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:02 am
wetumbrella5 says...



great piece of work. i really loved it.




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Tue Sep 12, 2017 2:14 am
PastelSlushie wrote a review...



Hello, jimss23, PastelSlushie here for review 22 for #RevMo ! Let's get right into it!

Before anything starts, I am very sorry for the loss of your friend. I know what the feeling is like, and I wish nothing but the best for you in the future. I hope things get better for you.

Nitpicks) I only have one, but this seems to be one big block of text. This can be changed by separation of stanzas. You can use symbols such as - or ~ or anything else to let the reader know a new stanza is coming, and it can be easier to go along with.

Flow/Meaning) I'm mainly going to focus on the meaning more than flow here if you don't mind. This has a very deep and emotional meaning, and since this was based off a real life event, it makes it even more emotional.

Overall) This was one of the best poems I've read on this site - no joke. It's a very emotional and heart pulling piece. Though, just a quick question: how did you lose your friend? Moving? Suicide? A death of natural causes? It's a tiny bit unclear right now if I knew exactly what it was, I feel the emotion and realness in this piece could go up even higher, which is always good for a poem, I believe. Any problems I have with this are stated above.

Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions or disagree with anything in my review. Best of luck in your future pieces,

Pastel




jimss23 says...


Hey! Thanks for the review!
My friend is still alive, but we can never talk again because of private reasons. But it still sucks and I think about on the daily.
It was only after posting it that the formatting didn't work. Sorry about that.



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Tue Sep 12, 2017 2:07 am
Sheytato wrote a review...



Hey there, Jim! Shey here for a review!

Overall, I absolutely loved this work. It was honestly so beautiful, and perfect, and amazing. On to the review!

First and foremost, I'll comment on your outstanding rhyme scheme. This is, without a doubt, the single best example of rhyming I've encountered in the site. No joke. This was perfect in all aspects.

Of course, with rhyming comes the need for en pointe rhythm. In a regular poem without rhymes, the rhythm can have minor flaws, and there's no big issue. But in a rhyming poem, lack of accurate rhythm causes the whole poem to crumble. You walk a fine line with rhyming poetry. However, you specifically nailed it perfectly, and there was just about zero flaws. Bravo for that.

My only complaint with this poem/song is definitely the formatting, or lack thereof. Stanzas are very important, especially in a song, because it helps you distinguish between individual verses, the chorus, the bridge, etc. Now, I'm aware that the publishing center is a demon constantly eating up formatting. So, I'll teach you the spell used to fend it off.

First, select the "</>" in the publishing center. Then put a "<p>" in front of each designated stanza, and a "</p>" at the end. This groups them into paragraphs. Next, put a "</br>" at the end of each line you want. Publish it, and it should be formatted.

Overall, fabulous job! Keep up the great work, because I definitely look forward to seeing more from you!

~Shey~




jimss23 says...


Thanks for the review! However, I cannot for the life of me figure out how to format this thing. Help!



Sheytato says...


Sometimes it simply doesn't work. Here's a solution:

Hit enter after the stanza and then just type a hyphen. Then hit enter again to start a new stanza. It has the same effect and is 100% simpler. XD



jimss23 says...


Thank you!



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Tue Sep 12, 2017 2:04 am
RainaDee wrote a review...



Oh my goodness, I just cried a little, seriously. I have had this happen to me!It was so relatable! I think that this is good. However, I have couple of things that might help improve it and remember these are suggestions to help improve an already beautiful, heart felt piece. So, you don't have to use them because, after all, this is your writing. With that out of the way on ward and forward with the review!

1) "No words will ever speak again," this line felt off when I read it aloud, I mean the wording is a little weird so maybe you could try to say 'No words will ever be said again.'

2) This is a small tiny thing that I was curious about, what things have come between the speaker and the friend. Did they grow a part or did one move? I think some expansion into that detail would help drive your poem more, but if you don't your poem is just fine without that detail. I was just curious while reading the poem.

Okay, that's all I got for you! I enjoyed this and thought it was good. I can't wait to see more of your work! Have a good one,
RainaDee. :)




jimss23 says...


Thanks!
I would share the details, but they are pretty personal. Let's just say that something is stopping us from talking to each other and neither of us wanted it or is happy about it (I hope)

Thanks for the review!



RainaDee says...


Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I hope it all works out in the end for you both!




I have my books and my poetry to protect me.
— Paul Simon