Published May 7, 2011
This is one of my first attempts at poetry...It could use LOTS of work...please review!
The boy who messed around with me,
instead of solving equations.
Who chirped like a fire alarm,
Who wiggled his nose like a rabbit’s.
Who wrote cheesy things to me,
And tickled me in the middle of math
Whose hair is a tabby cat’s,
Glossy and striped.
Who lent me a pencil every day,
Even though he never got it back.
Who passed notes instead of working,
And knew just how to make me laugh.
Who is a snow jacket in class,
Soft and warm.
Who wiggled his eyebrows,
Making me smile again.
Who needed my help,
Who used to care.
Who doesn’t give,
But just ignores me.
Who won’t talk to me,
The boy who made me fall in love
Who is gone.
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141,457 Literary Works • 674,471 Reviews
Hey sister!
Wow! Wonderful job! I like how this poem flows. I'm sorry you had to get caught in Keaton's web, but he does not deserve you! Lol! Overall I love the poem! Especially this part,
I love the way you describe how he was there, and then wasn't.
Good job, and luv ya bunches!
-kitkat
Let me begin by saying I love the avatar! Haha, Kingdom Hearts is a fantastic franchise. Now for the poem...
I really like it overall. It's very sweet and emotional, lifelike and relatable. I feel like I could actually be watching this happen right before my eyes! The title really sets a fantastic tone for the whole piece. Alright, now for some specifics.
I like the structure of two lines for each stanza. It's nice and manageable, and easy to read. These opening lines are wonderful. The first two are really excellent, because they have great character, and I like how you switch back and forth between things about him, and things that he does. Very good poetic contrast.
Awww, that's so sweet! I love the images here. Passing notes instead of working, oh how adorable! Ah, I wish I had a girlfriend to pass notes to. And I adore the image of a snow jacket, it so perfectly matches the character you've described!
Wow, what a powerful ending! The switch from loviness to sadness is done so well, and I love the language. It's such good imagery, and that last line, absolutely powerful! I love love love it!
I like this poem a lot, and I hope you keep gracing us with more of your wonderful wordplay! If you ever want another review or a kind word or advice and such, I'm always available for anything!
- SOCKS