I am not what "it" looks like

Hello there,

This is a really great poem. Despite the fact that this is a common topic, you've put a fresh-feeling twist on it. Well done! It definitely takes skill to do that. I normally am not a huge fan of repetition either, but again, you put a fresh twist on that too. I love your line, "I say it's okay when it really isn't." I think pretty much anyone who's been around longer than a decade can identify with that, and I love how you just stated it so simply and left it to stand on its own. I feel like the poem would flow better visually if you took out the quote marks. I think I understand why you used them, but my opinion is that it would be better without them, both visually and for an overall effect.

Keep writing!

Tiger

Hello there! Welcome to YWS.

This is pretty common theme here, but I still like the way you arranged it. You are very repetitive both with your title line and also with the usage of I at the begging of each line, which I feel like can compare to the way society singles people out and focuses on the one, so I like how you did that. Normally, I don't like the use of so many period, because to me it breaks things down into too many separate pieces when u prefer connections. Your periods are, of course, fine as they are, but you should experiment and see how much and how often you like to stop. You can use many or no periods- it's all up to you as the author.

Another thing that was in my mind when I read this poem- it seems quite disjointed. I feel like you should have a stanza break every time you repeat 'I am not what "it" looks like', and then group your ideas so that all the similar ideas are in a stanza together. Some different things I see in your piece are: -curious about what society wants -wishing to be what society wants -knowing the narrator is not what society wants and -pretending to be something the narrator is not to be what society wants. These are just some that I see. The thing is, when you say "I worry that I am not enough. / I cry from time to time." I understand why the narrator might cry from time to time, but it's kind of thrown in there. "I'm worried and sometimes I cry" I feel like there needs to be a little more detail or transition in arts like these.

Overall, nice job! You have very good repetition. Keep up the writing!!

-Falco

Hello, jh9910! This is a good poem you have here! I always take fascinating about works on the nature of society, particularly its focus on arbitrary, impossible-to-accomplish standards of "perfection." It is an often debated topic in modern society, what with a generation of teenagers facing self-esteem crises and combating the societal expectations behind heaved at them, and so I'm curious to see how each person interprets it and discusses it. In your case, I love the message that you're trying to communicate. The narrator is clearly struggling with such issues, and your portrayal is vivid and bright. Fears, discomforts, expectations to adhere to a normal that can't be reached - they are all discussed and emphasized here in a dramatic fashion. This poem is presentable, to-the-point, and nicely written, such that I can jump in, read through the poem, and understand clearly the message that you're trying to communicate. And wow, is it nicely thought out. I can see the narrator in my mind, and how they jump over issue after issue as they grapple with words on the idea of "perfection" and wish to live up to it themselves, even if they want to avoid trying to think about such concepts. Thus, when it comes to your central theme and the expression of that message, I'm deeply impressed. Well done!

Beyond that...well, there isn't much else I can say. Personally, I respect your ability to create a sense of repetition without making it seem dull or lazy - something that's not easily achievable. In particular, your usage of "I am not what "it" looks like" is an evocative way to carry your major message across the theme of the work, although I perhaps suggest cutting down on using it so frequently. That would allow you to carry more of your vivid lines across while presenting the main message from being around so often as to possibly have it lost its strength in the audience's eyes. Too, I suppose my major complaint with this piece is that it seems too formulaic. While the central conflict is unique and rather powerful, and the ending carries that struggle in a brilliant fashion, a lot of your lines weren't all that descriptive. As I've said, I've read a lot of poems about this topic, and this seems to be a rather general description of the harshness of society. What I'd like to see are more emotions, feelings, and metaphors. Can you provide specific details? What is society like? How does the narrator handle all these different messages? What kind of daily experiences help drive the point home? While I love the message presented here, and I'm amazed at your successful usage of repetition (especially with each line being a sentence; I thought that might create awkward pauses, but it did anything but that), I'd suggest working on your usage of imagery and how you communicate your message.

All in all, however, I loved this poem! Thanks for presenting it! It's descriptive, emotional, concise, and I enjoyed reading it from start to finish. You're a good poet, given what I can see here, so keep up the good work, and may you future writing endeavors be successful!