Published August 14, 2011
The moonlight beats down onto the vibrant waves of the seemingly endless horizon. The lapping of each wave as it crashes into each jagged rock makes you feel in awe of the natural beauty. As you watch the glowing sun continue to fall into the earth you think to yourself this is not created by a big bang, but has to be something more. Something more. Each and every leaf, rock, and animal has to be crafted by a powerful hand. One so powerful it placed the earth exactly where there could be life. One so powerful that it created every man, women, and child to look absolutely different than the one living next door. One so powerful it designed the moon, earth, and many other planets. One so powerful it created a son from the Virgin Mary, who is my savior, my God. He is my sweet Jesus.
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Thank you guys so much for your feedback. I do feel I need to work on the end a bit more!! Thanks for the great suggestions!!
I love the theme and the imagery is fantastic. I felt it was a bit too short, but that is just me. I would capitalize "God" though.
But the ending was a bit too blunt and unsatisfactory for me. Kind of left me in a slump, you know? After all of those beautiful descriptive words the last sentence just didn't seem up to par with the rest, so I suggest changing it up a bit.
But this is a nice piece
Harro, Jesusfreak ^-^
First off, I’d like to say that I LUV the theme behind this.
And I don’t mean you HAVE or NEED to do this, it’s just a suggestion. . . . .
When I write spiritual stuff, I like to ask questions, if you WANT TO you could rearrange some of this and add them. That would do really well in a poem like this, I think.
And it would ALSO sound awesome, maybe better, if you spoke in first person. But that's on you, of course ^-^
Please don’t be offended that I reengaged it! I’m not TELLING you how to write your own work, I loved it. I was only saying that it would have a different air about it. Not better necessarily, just different. =)
(And I’d capilize the name of God, but that’s just me ^-^)
In the state it is in now, I've felt like I've hear it before. Its been done before, BUT I’d like to say that it was over all good. A little more work added to it, and it could be great.