Published January 13, 2008
Although I broke your heart
I hope you know my feelings
For you are strong...
I wish I hadn't told you it was
time to move on..
to see other people.
I knew I had to be prepared
for the worst.
Considering I had a new guy
within two days I hope you realize
my heart was not yet healed.
After the dreadful weekend had passed.
I never knew until I saw your face.
It could break my heart knowing
I'm the one who screwed up.
Once again.
But now only my sorry eyes can tell..
Now you have a new girl,
And I would like to let you go...
But its just so hard.
The weakness you cause me,
When you look my way.
I'm sorry I went for another guy.
I want you to know you will
Always be my perfect everything
my heart desires...
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140,909 Literary Works • 673,726 Reviews
I agree it could've been better with a little more description, but when you noted toward the end it was for Jake, or at least im guessing, it seemed real.
That was lovely, although I think it could have been better had you added more description. Why should your readers care about Jake being your perfect guy? Give us some emotion to feel by adding in some imagery and descriptive wording. ^_^ You as the author know what you're feeling. Share that with your readers; we want to feel the same, but you've got to give us something to work with.
Best wishes with your work!
~*Sydney*~
I thought that it was overall good, except you couldn't really tell who it was supposed to be directed to. (I know jake, but throughout the whole poem it didn't seem so)
This is an emotion poem I can tell. When you just want to let everything out. Not the best type of poetry. I agree with Cade and Rjjr_vectra. You talkin' to me?
I agree with Rjjr_vectra. This is completely self-absorbed and belongs in a diary or a pop song.
Remember that in poetry it's okay to talk about yourself, but you can't forget about your audience. Why should we care about the speaker's relationship with Jake? Why should her broken heart cause us pain? How is her story relevant to us?
-Colleen
Is this for Jake or for me? Because it's not really a compelling read if the poem's for one person. You even said it yourself, it's for Jake and not for the reader. This is better left in a note or something.